There's Just Something About That Name

A week ago, my youth team and I went for an hour drive together.  In my efforts to be more consistent in my prayer life, I've decided to invite others into it as well.  The more time I spend in prayer, the closer I draw to God.

(Time-spent is my love language (when someone spends time with me, I feel most loved), so it's only fitting that the time I give others is meaningful to me.  I try to be careful with my time- especially since I don't have a lot of it to myself- so when I spend time with someone it's saying a lot about how I feel about that person.  Anyways, I love Jesus (duh!) and I love spending time with Him.  I love that He is always ready and willing to spend time with me too.  I don't have to come in some formal setting or say just the right words.  Often times I say whatever is on my mind... it's probably quite humorous for Him to hear some of my thoughts aloud.)

So last week I asked the team to meet with me.  I didn't give them details other than that we'd be praying together.  We prayed before we left, loaded up in a van, and took off.  The idea was to make a big circle around the church.  I told them that we'd be praying the entire hour and that anyone could speak up whenever they wanted to.  No one was forced to pray, but as we went most took the opportunity to pray for certain towns, school, families, etc.

The whole idea was to claim this area in the name of Jesus and to cover it with prayer.  There is great power in His name, isn't there?  When we claim things in Jesus' name we are claiming who He is... the names of God give us such insight into His character.  1 Corinthians 1:24 says, "But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God." (emphasis mine.)  Throughout Scripture we find dozens and dozens of His names... names that people knew Him by because they'd experienced Him personally in those ways.

• ALL IN ALL.......................Colossians 3:11
• ANOINTED ONE.....................Psalm 2:2
• HEAD OF THE BODY.......................Colossians 1:18
• HOLY ONE...............................Acts 2:27
• I AM....................................Exodus 3:14, John 8:58
• REFINER'S FIRE...........................Malachi 3:2
• MIGHTY ONE...............................Isaiah 60:16
• PRINCE OF PEACE..........................Isaiah 9:6
• SAVIOR...................................Luke 2:11
• ALPHA............................Revelation 22:13
• ADONAI......Malachi 1:6  (meaning "Lord", a reference to the Lordship of God.)
• JEHOVAH-JIREH.........Genesis 22:13-14 (meaning "The Lord will provide")
• EL-ELYON..............Genesis 14:17-20,Isaiah 14:13-14 (meaning "The most high God)

The list goes on and on.  He is Greatness and His power is undeniable and unstoppable.  I often think of when the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost and how He came with power and might.  There was no escaping His presence.  Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?  

That's what I want for this place.  I want us to start acting like God is as powerful as He says He is.  I want to see people fall to their knees and cry out to Him.  If we don't cry out to Him... the rocks will!  “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” - Luke 19:40  I think the rocks have been louder than even the Church lately and I don't like it.

As we drove around South Jersey and prayed for local government and other leaders, schools, churches, individuals, families, jobs, finances, etc, God was present.  There wasn't any awkwardness and it was a beautiful time of worship.  An entire hour of continual, outwardly focused prayer with the body of Christ.  We have already seen some of our prayers answered and I'm so excited to see what else God is going to do.  We will continue to pray and claim this place in Jesus' name.

Worshipping with this Gaither song tonight:

There's Just Something About That Name

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

There's just something about that name

Master, Savior, Jesus

Like the fragrance after the rain

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

Let all heaven and earth proclaim

Kings and kingdoms shall all pass away

But there's something about that name.

In The Secret

I loved a few SonicFlood songs when I was in high school.  One that my worship team did often was In the Secret.  After hearing it and playing it for so many years, it was one of those songs that I outgrew.  It's still not my favorite, but I appreciate it a whole lot more as of late.

This past week I spent an afternoon building my own secret place.  Its only purpose is to serve as a sanctuary... a place that I meet with Jesus, one on one.  It's not a place to host a Bible study or a place to counsel.  It's strictly a place where I go to just be with Jesus.  The idea came early in the week as I desperately wanted to meet with God without any chance of interruption.  I like to verbally process things with Him.  I like to spend time just sitting and listening.  It's hard to do that in my living room where there are crazy animals running around all the time, or even in the church sanctuary as people are in and out constantly. 

This secret place has already gotten lots of use.  As I sat to write my sermon this week, I was able to focus in really well.  Bible study time is so peaceful.  Without the distraction of my phone or the internet (aside from research), my sermon was written quite quickly this week..  My "Jesus room" has rapidly become my new favorite place to spend time.  It's relaxing and freeing.  It's intimate and lovely.  I'm so thankful to Jesus for providing the space and the stuff to fill the space.  Even as it gets colder in that space with the outside temps dropping, I will continue to meet with Him there.

I highly recommend finding space and making it your secret place... a place where you just meet with Jesus.  No distractions.  Just you and Him.  The presence of Jesus brings such peace.  All you need is Him.   

"In the secret, in the quiet place

In the stillness You are there.

In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait,

Only for You, 'cause I want to know You more;

I want to know You,

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more.

I want to touch You,

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more.

I am reaching for the highest goal,

Then I might receive the prize.

Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside,
Out of my way, 'cause I want to know you more."

The pictures don't do it justice.  It really is lovely.

Unclench

I often have these moments of brilliance (or at least I think they are brilliant), but never write them down.  My blog would be so much more beautiful if I took more time to write about all of the amazing things God shows me.  In the past few weeks I've had lots of these moments, these times when I know I should write something down, but don't because I move onto the next thing so quickly.  I'm very much a verbal processor (obvi) and writing is very therapeutic for me.  I digress.

A little under two weeks ago I spent a long weekend in Nashville at the National Youth Workers Convention.  It was quite a blessing to be a part of it and I took away a lot... actually I feel like I'm still processing some of it.  It was a time of learning AND a time of refreshment.  Traveling with my best friend was a bonus too.  There was one time of worship in particular that stands out in my mind.  David Crowder was leading many well-known songs, and God drew me deeply into His presence.  He held me tight as He told me very real truths about what He's doing and where He's going.  It's an interesting feeling to be in a room with about 3,500 other people, yet feel like it's just you and Jesus.  In His delicate way, the Spirit spoke and enforced some very beautiful truths about God.  It was extremely intimate.  It was also very encouraging and challenging all at the same time.  I could go into more detail and tell more of the power God spoke over me that day, but for now this is enough.  Nashville was wonderfully challenging for a lot of reasons... I've got to sort through it a bit more.

After Nashville came Thanksgiving week.  Things were a bit off because of the weird work week, but it was a lovely little break.  I spent the night at my bff's on Wednesday night... there's something so peaceful about waking up on a holiday and being with family.  I haven't had that a lot this year, but I'm so thankful that she and her family are here now.  It was so comfortable.  We spent the morning in our pjs cooking and hanging out.  Our meal was fantastic and then after the clean-up we just hung out, watched football, and relaxed.  Friday I was without a car, thus without temptation to shop which was really nice.  And then Saturday's Yield service was great!  I wasn't incredibly thrilled with my sermon, but I think that God used it any way.  We had a few new people out and worship flowed very well which was exciting.  I'm so thankful for such wonderful times of worship.  It was nice to be back at youth group Sunday night after a week off.  My students are the greatest and I really feel like they are "getting it," so to speak.

I'm still in a little bit of shock that it's December already.  Birthday Month in upon us.  Chamuka!  The next few weeks are sure to fly by and then I'll be in Chicago with my family and friends.  Just the thought makes me want to cry tears of joy!  However, I have quizzes, exams, and final exams to get through before I can think about that too much.  Ugh.  School has been going well, but it's just so time consuming.  I'll be glad when this semester is over, that's for sure.  I still don't know what next semester holds or even next fall.  We'll see.  I really want to be more focused back in at the church.  I've been working from home a lot and I actually miss my office routine a bit.  Crazy, I know.

Anyways, something that has been rolling around in my head and heart for the last few days is my inability to let some things go.  My whole life, I've never been one to give up on people.  I'm not good at saying goodbye and I'm not good at cutting things loose.  To the point that when my dog died in 7th or 8th grade, my parents had to have the thing cremated because I refused to let the dog go.  I still needed to hold onto her.

I've often thought of this as a strength in many ways.  My core group of friends from high school frequently point out that I'm the glue holding our group together, even still.  I just have this tendency to really work at keeping things/people together.  It hurts too bad to give up.  When I feel a relationship is in danger of being lost, I have this little moment of panic and then I work to change it.  Sure, I have relationships that have changed.  There are people I was once very close with, who I now see once every few years... but in those times, things go right back to where they left off.  So many of my relationships are much more effortless now that we're all busy with families and careers of our own.  It's ok now, in some cases.

But in the here and now, I'm still very much the same.  I cling to things.  The phrase, "if you really love something (or someone), let it (or them) go," has always really irritated me.  In my mind, it's a cop-out to let something or someone go.  I always thought, "if I really love someone, how can I let them go?  I just need to work harder to help them, fix them," or whatever the case may be.  Letting go is painful.  So painful sometimes that I'd rather run far away to cause separation than stay close and let go in proximity.

As I've been meeting with God, He has been showing me some things I need to let go of; things I've been clinging to for dear life.  He's revealed that as I hold them closer, I'm actually doing more harm to them and myself than I am helping in anyway.  That's so hard for me to hear.  I desperately want everyone in my life to be thriving and when they're not, I want to change that.  I feel the pain and heartache of others very deeply and I really consider that a gift from God.  So sometimes when He tells me to let go, I clench my fists and grip harder.

"Do you trust me, dear child?  I can and will work in these situations."  Well, tonight I'm letting go.  It's not a freeing feeling, in fact it's more painful than anything, but I do trust Him.  I write this mostly for myself, to remind me that I laid these things on the alter and I don't have to carry them anymore, they're not mine to pick back up.  "Do you trust me, dear child?"  Yes Lord, I trust You.  When my mind and heart are conflicting and even when they're working together, I trust You, Father.

Philippians 4:4-9 (emphasis mine)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you."

Jesus, help me to unclench, think on these things, and trust You.

Relinquishing

I'm really missing Uganda tonight.  It's really not much different from any other night aside from the fact that I actually have some time to myself thanks to a canceled meeting.  Time to myself means I get to clean a little.  I love to clean, it's somehow therapeutic for me.  I was dusting the bookshelf in the living-room when things got nostalgic.   Two of the shelves are dedicated to African stuff.  Like a child being made to clean their room, I stopped to "play" with my stuff.  Looking through some pictures and holding gifts from precious friends allowed me to travel "home" for just a few minutes.  The intense heat of the sun beating down on my head as I walk along the busy orange-rust colored dirt roads.  Cars and bodas speeding by, people walking, riding, laughing, talking, children playing, birds making monkey-like sounds, animals roaming and grazing.  Vividly colored foliage dancing in the sun and slight breeze.  The aroma of diesel vehicles, animals, chapati being fried, and trash, all mixed with fresh, pure air.  A sweet gift from Jesus.  Smiles like the mid-day sun.  People working hard both to survive and to thrive.  Climbing to the top of the quarry to gaze over the calm water of Lake Victoria on one side and the city on the other.  What I wouldn't give to sit at the top of the hill tonight where stars and constellations from both hemispheres shine, uninterrupted by too much electricity.  Who needs it when the moon is more than sufficient?

The sound of Piper chasing the cat brought me back to reality.  There was no sadness this time, just longing.  Along with longing came excitement and relief.  Excitement to be where I am; relief that this really is home and I'm happy with that.  I don't think the longing will ever go away... when your heart is divided like mine is, it's impossible to ignore.  But it becomes okay because being obedient to God is much greater than anything this world has to offer, even better than my beloved Uganda.  I delight in His goodness... which I get to see more and more of as I relinquish control and rest in Him.  Relinquishing control is far from easy for me (though I doubt that's uncommon for many people), but when it's done it always results in God being glorified.  As I seek to be a Godly woman, this must become more of a part of who I am.  My human nature must fade.  

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."  Proverbs 31:25-26

I recorded part of a boda ride from downtown Kampala to where I was staying.  This isn't the whole journey and it hardly captures anything I just described, but it's still fun for me to watch and relive a little bit.  It's enough for me tonight.

Heaven Rejoices

In my last post I mentioned that the reason for the prayer stations was that I had an important lesson that I wanted to make sure most all of the kids heard.  Well, this past Friday night we had a lock-in and nearly all of my kids were there so I went ahead with the lesson I had been praying about for weeks.  After a couple hours of organized, messy, and gross games we headed up to the sanctuary for a time of worship.  I'm so thankful that my friend Allan (one of the parents) was there and agreed to play guitar.  We played a few "fan favorites" and then dove into the lesson.  The focus was on Jesus as Savior.  We read through John's account of Jesus' arrest and crucifixion in the form of a script.  A few of the kids had "main roles" while the rest of us read for the crowd.  I think it really got their attention.

When it came time to pray, I knew I needed to offer to pray with students who were interested in knowing Jesus as their personal Savior.  Instead of calling kids out and forcing emotion, I simply asked everyone to close their eyes, asked if anyone was interested in knowing Jesus personally, and then invited them to pray with me.  A couple of students raised their hands to indicate that they would be praying to confess Christ.  It was all I could do to keep from crying when I saw their faces after we prayed.  Without pointing fingers, I told the kids that heaven was having a party because souls had been saved.  We played a couple more songs and then ended just in time to start making a midnight snack.

I'm not sure that the kids actually understood what I was saying about heaven rejoicing, but I know the angels were rejoicing at the sound of a few more names being written in the book of life.  They're young, but not too young to begin walking with Him daily.  I'm so thrilled at the Holy Spirit's prompting.  All glory to God for these new family members!  It never ceases to excite me.

"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."  Luke 15:10

Much time has been spent over the last year and a half bringing one of these kids in particular before the Lord... and I just can't contain my joy right now!  She is incredibly important to me and holds a special piece of my heart.  In fact, I met with her tonight for dinner to follow up, one on one, with the decision she made.  I feel so honored to be a part of her life, especially at such a time as this.  The Spirit has led and enabled me to pursue these kids.  It was wonderful to chat with her about why she made the decision and it's clear that He was drawing her into Himself.  I love my job!  To sit across from a student who has just come to know Jesus and tell them I am so excited and that I'm so proud of them and that I love them so much is one of the coolest things ever.  Thanks Jesus.

Would you join me in praying for each one?  Pray also for a willingness to be discipled and for Jesus to always be the center of each encounter I have with each one.  Discipling is key and I never want to grow weary.  I had a really amazing youth pastor who walked with me.  It's my desire to do the same with these kids.  I need Jesus' help.

Much Needed Butt-Kicking

Last week before youth group, I texted the students to find out how many would be there.  I don't normally do that, but the lesson I had planned was one that I really wanted all of the kids to hear.  It turned out that not as many were able to make it, so I made the last minute decision to hold off on that lesson.   Instead, I set up prayer stations and we took the night to focus on prayer.  Luckily my youth room is very conducive for such an activity.  I was only without one item, so I ran to the store and finished setting up right before they got there.

There were 5 stations set up, each with candles and a paper explaining what to do or what to focus on.  One station was set up right below my world map.  The focus of that station was to pray for the nations... for the gospel to reach to the ends of the earth, for healing, for provision, etc.  The next station, at the coffee table was called idol worship.  I had Play-Doh available and the idea was to ask the Lord what idols they had in their lives, what things were keeping them from being fully engaged in their relationships with Him, and then form those things with the Play-Doh and then smash them.  The next station was set up in front of a full length mirror.  There they were to reflect on how God sees them, the fact that they are created in His image, and to thank Him for His love for them.  The next station was for them to reflect on their journeys with God.  They had paper and crayons to draw, write, or somehow symbolize their faith journey.  And the last station was a confession station.  They were provided with a pencil, paper, and a paper shredder.  They were invited to confess anything they needed to, ask for forgiveness, and then put it in the shredder.

When the junior high students arrived, I directed them to a room down the hall, not wanting them to enter the youth room just yet.  There we played games for a little bit before being briefed about the prayer stations.  Then I gave a brief little speech on prayer, it's importance, and Jesus' model of it, and then explained the activity they would be participating in.  I told them that they would be at each station for at least 5 minutes, but would be able to stay longer if they wanted to.  We headed down to the room, I went over each station, we prayed together, and then began.  The regular fluorescent lights were off, the room lighted by white Christmas lights, a lamp, and the candles at each station.  Worship music was softly playing.  It was an amazingly peaceful atmosphere.  I had explained to them that I would be available if they wanted someone to pray with them, so I took a seat off to the side, not participating in the stations, but staying available to them, all the while praying for each one at each station they went to.  It was such an intimate time with the Lord.   Seeing the leaders and kids so focused and so vulnerable was beautiful.  I loved being able to pray for every person in that room.  What an amazing privilege!  They did a great job of participating and they were all very respectful and quiet.  When every person had completed every station we circled up, prayed together, and then left the youth room.
We went back down the hall, ate snacks, and hung out until their parents came.  The high schoolers arrived by that time.  We got started a bit late, so we skipped playing a game and I went right into my mini lesson on prayer and explained the stations.  I had planned on doing the stations with the high school students because there are usually less of them.  When we entered the youth room, again it felt like we were standing on holy ground.  As I made my way through each station, I fell more and more in love with Jesus.  My heart was prepared for each station before I got there and I was still moved by the presence of the Holy Spirit.  I can only hope that each one who participated felt that same way.

After youth group I was still very pensive and wanted to spend more time reflecting, but I had a meeting scheduled so I had to switch gears.  Rarely in my life have I had such an honest meeting with another person.  I met with a woman to ask her to mentor me.  I have plenty of areas in my life where I need my butt kicked, but more than that I know just how important it is to meet with a wise, mature, faithful woman of God to be encouraged and challenged.  I've always been an advocate of mentoring, but I haven't made much of an effort to find a mentor here yet because of said areas of needed butt-kicking.  With my leadership roles expanding and becoming more challenging, I know its essential that I am mentored.  I want to be pleasing to God in every single thing I do.  I've also recently been asked by a few different youth kids if I would mentor and counsel them one on one and I want to be at my best for them.

So anyways, during our conversation she asked me exactly what my expectations were and we talked about what our weekly meetings would look like.  We went over just a couple of areas that I want to work on with her.  She did most of the talking and asked a lot of questions.  This is a woman I have a lot of respect for and maybe its because I'm somehow intimidated by her, but I found myself at a loss for words a lot during our convo.  In all of what she said, one of the things that has stuck out to me was this, "I have no need to compliment you and I will never lie to you."  This was in reference to some statements that she made about me that I didn't believe to be true.  It was eye opening and even a bit convicting.  Eye opening because apparently I don't see myself at all in the same way that others do; convicting because I don't always believe I am who God says I am.  Hearing some of the things that she has observed about me over the last year and a half was not easy.  Not that any of them were bad, but I clearly have a skewed view.  This is a woman I've only had conversations with in larger group meetings.  I don't know her well at all and she doesn't know me.

We ended our meeting with prayer and a plan.  Honestly, I'm nervous, but one of the reasons I knew I was supposed to ask this particular person to be my mentor was to step outside my comfort zone and stop making excuses for myself.  I can't say enough how important I think it is that every single person be mentored by a more mature member of the Body of Christ.

I encourage you to read this passage tonight.

Titus 2:2-8, 11-15 (NLT)

2 Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.

3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

6 In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. 8 Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.

11 For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. 12 And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, 13 while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. 14 He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.
15 You must teach these things and encourage the believers to do them. You have the authority to correct them when necessary, so don’t let anyone disregard what you say.

Engagement Rings

While working at my first youth ministry job, I was also working full time at a Christian bookstore.  The bookstore was right near a Jared's Jewelry place and my sister asked me to get her ring cleaned one day on my lunch break or after work.  I was delighted to put the ring on and walk around all day as though it was my own.  I felt different.  I felt like people treated me differently when they thought I was engaged/married.  I loved looking at my hand... it looked so beautiful with that big ol' rock on it.  I was sad to have to give it back to her.  I liked the way it made me feel.

A couple of years later, I was a bridesmaid for yet another wedding (and feeling sorry for myself) so I asked my mom if I could wear one of her diamond rings to the wedding and reception.  She agreed and again, I loved donning that beauty all night.  Of course, people took notice and I loved the attention.  What girl wouldn't right?  It looked gorgeous.  My nails, hair, and makeup were done beautifully and the ring was the icing.  

BFF's relived to be wearing flip flops!

You can't see the ring in this picture,
but I really like it anyways.
Carley was a beautiful bride!

In recent years, I've come to realize that a big diamond ring is just not for me.  It would be way too much of a distraction and I know it would become a real pride issue with me.  I don't like stuff.  I don't like allowing material possessions to have any kind of control in my life.  A simple wedding band would be more than enough because a marriage is not about a ring.  

So where did this come from?  As I scrolled through my fb newsfeed, a professor I had during my undergrad had posted this article.  I thought it was well written and a beautifully sad reminder.  It's encouraging to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't feel the need for a beautiful diamond... though there's nothing wrong with those who do.  No judgment intended.  And now... I must sleep.