Just Smile

This past week was very hectic, to say the least.  Not that it was bad, but it's mostly a blur now except for a few instances.  One divine meeting stands out in my mind.  I made a big-ish decision for myself and in doing so had some stuff to get done to see things through.  That's where our story begins... ;)

I found myself standing in line waiting to speak to someone about moving forward.  My mind was racing- going over all of the possibilities, thinking about my ministry, thinking about the condition of my heart, thinking about the very successful and exciting meeting I had had with a student just an hour before.  I was "in the zone," so to speak, and not so aware of my surroundings.  After a few minutes of being ignorant, I glanced up.  The room was a flurry of people moving about, discussing the ins and outs of their decisions.  I'm easily entertained and I love people-watching so instead of pulling out my phone and playing on facebook, I brought my mind to the present and observed.

Behind me in line stood a woman who looked to be in her late 40's or very early 50's.  She was about my height, maybe a bit shorter.  The wear and tear of life was evident in her voice and on her still beautiful face.  She had a look of determination in her eyes.  She was chatting rather loudly, but very lovingly to her young teenaged daughter, Ashley (she had called her by name as I eavesdropped).  Her daughter did not look excited to be so stationary, but was respectful and even offered to be helpful.  After a few minutes, Ashley went and sat down, playing on her phone and waiting for her mom to be finished.  Clearly a bit nervous, Anthonia was flipping through her paperwork and fidgeting with her phone.  We made eye contact and I shot her an understanding and encouraging smile.  (I had decided that I should just smile instead of saying anything so that I could go back to being in my own world and people-watching.)  God had other plans.

That smile sparked a conversation.  Anthonia began speaking and sharing what she was doing there, what had led her there, and the drive behind her decisions.  I listened carefully and was very engaged in the conversation, but just figured she needed to unload for a few minutes and that would be that.  She asked me a few questions about myself and we bonded over the fact that we're both from big cities, Chicago and New York, and unused to such small-town living.  We agreed that it's a nice change of pace, etc..  Turns out that she and Ashley only live about 10 minutes from me.  She then went into more detail about her recent arrival in South Jersey.  It became obvious to be that this woman was searching... for answers, for Truth, and for real Love.

I began asking more intentional questions as the Holy Spirit prompted.  I asked her about Ashley.  Anthonia revealed Ashley's nerves about starting at a new school (the very same school I happen to sub at once a week!) and making new friends.  I told her that I know some of the kids from the school because they're in my youth group.  I then explained my about my job and how God had very clearly led me here "for such a time as this."  Anthonia had taken Ashley to another youth group the previous week and she had a good time, but was nervous to go back because of the small size of that youth group.  She asked me many questions about my ministry and I could hardly contain myself while talking about it.

She was so excited and clearly amazed that I was there, that God had placed each of us there for that meeting.  She gave me her card and wrote her cell number and new address on it.  I gave her my info and encouraged her to be in touch.  I was next in line and our conversation started to slow.  We wished each other well as I walked away and my focus quickly turned back to the task at hand, but the conversation has lingered in my head and on my heart ever since.

There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord ordained that meeting.  I still don't know why and I don't have to, but I'm really looking forward to whatever comes next.  God has this way of bringing me out of myself and opening my eyes to the needs and hearts of those around me.  There is nothing extraordinary about me (aside from the wonderful of joy of Christ in my life- which is huge, I know) that sets me apart from others, but it seems like God is constantly bringing people to me to vent/share.  There must be some level of comfort or something that I exude and I'm so thankful.  I see it not at all as a burden, but as a sweet gift from Jesus.  I love being someone that others trust and feel comfortable with.  What an honor that they trust me, but more importantly, that God trusts me with people's hearts.  I don't claim to do or say anything great and often times I'm at a loss, but God always reveals the right words (or clamps my mouth shut when the need is simply for a listening ear).

Praise the Lord that He chooses to use me.  May I never take advantage of that or lose sight of the eternal qualities that each meeting and conversation has.  And praise the Lord that He uses me even when I'm wrapped up in my own life... even when I just shoot off a smile to stay closed off.  Praise the Lord that each soul matters and that even when I'm being ignorant, His work is done.  What a precious reminder that He chooses us... that He pursues us, in spite of ourselves.  Praise the Lord that He lets me see things through His eyes, even if it takes a little slap in the face to wake me up.

God is pursuing those around us.  Are we willing to plant seeds?  Even in people we don't know... or in people we don't particularly care for?  My prayer tonight is that my eyes and my heart would be open and sensitive to those around me, to both those I know and those I don't.  It can only be done in God's strength and to Him be the glory.  I sent Anthonia a card in the mail... we'll see what happens.  Whatever happens (or doesn't), God is in control and I'm resting in that fact.  Thanks Jesus.

[Wo]man on the Run

"Stay in America for now.  Be willing to be settled in New Jersey," said the Lord.  To which I responded, "Whaaaa?  Come again?  Jersey?  Are you sure??"

My journey started long before I accepted my current position.  Jesus has been preparing my heart for this time in my life since I was born.  He knew the challenges and heartache I would face (and will still face) and He also knew the joyous victories He would win (and will continue to win).

Since I turned 16, I've been on the go.  My parents moved to Arizona after my sophomore year of high school (for my father's health), but allowed me to stay in Illinois and finish school with my friends.  Back and forth to Arizona multiple times a year, I never felt settled.  After high school I moved to small-town Indiana to attend a private Christian university.  I was only a year and a half in before I decided I needed a change.  I moved back to AZ, lived at home, and attended Arizona State University.  One semester and many bad decisions later, I was back in Indiana where I would finish my degree.  Indiana was the first place I felt settled in my "adult" life.  I lived there nearly 7 years total, working for a while after college before moving back to Illinois.

When I moved back to Illinois, my second niece was born, thus my parents bought a house in IL again.  With my family back and me accepting a job in ministry, you'd think I would have been content and ready to settle.  Not so much.  A year into that position and the Lord called me (very clearly) to Uganda.  Without a third thought (because I'm sure there was a second thought), I moved to Africa for a year.  When that incredible, life changing year was up, I wanted nothing more than to be back in Africa asap.  I was back in IL for about 16 months, working for my family (for the "family business" if you will), and doing youth ministry with my home church.  I got nice and comfortable and into a routine, but went back to Uganda gladly, knowing that Jesus was asking me to go again.  It was a bit of a rough year, to put it mildly, but the Lord moved and I saw MANY lives changed and experienced things I never could have imagined, glory to God.

Coming home from Uganda was necessary, but very painful.  It's a weird feeling to have your heart split in half... I guess that's the best way to describe it.  My heart literally aches to be back in Africa sometimes and I miss my African family more than I'll ever let on.  It was in that time of reverse culture shock, anger, relief, confusion, uncertainty, etc. that Jesus opened the door to come to South Jersey.  It's miraculous and perfect because He timed it that way.  There's no denying that I have been placed here "for such a time as this."  Thinking of the old testament story of Queen Esther's rise to power and her choice to "risk it all" for the Jews, I'm somehow assured of my place here.  God doesn't make mistakes.  Duh.

So for just over a year now I've been living and working in small-town South Jersey for such a time as this.  Within the first month of being here, I had plenty of very significant interactions with people and new relationships began to form.  God sure didn't let up after that first month either.  He continues to move and inspire awe in me.  He reveals more of His plan slowly by slowly, as the Africans say.  Bit by bit, it's like living in a perpetual cliffhanger, but somehow I'm okay with it.

The norm for me has been to move on after about a year, right?  And in some of those cases it was because I had something to move on from.  It's easier to cut ties when you don't commit for too long, yeah?  There's less chance of getting hurt, but if you've already been hurt, it somehow makes it easier to leave.  Twice in the past year I have seriously questioned God's placement and timing.  In spite of myself, He's continued to reassure me.  (In reality it's a bit silly to doubt the Creator of the universe, but when tough times come it's all too natural... thank you, human nature.)

There are some VERY exciting things ahead in ministry and I'm so blessed and honored to be a part of them.  Despite the current condition of my heart, God moves freely.  As I wrestle with what it actually means to be settled (building a family, getting a master's degree or two, etc.??) I rest in His arms.  Thankfully, my past doesn't define my future.  I've been given the opportunity to be obedient and to move forward.  I'm free from past sin, guilt, and shame.  It's a freedom I briefly wrote about here before accepting this position.  People's definitions of me don't define me because I know who I am in Christ and it's Him I answer to.  The things I once chose aren't the things I choose now.  I digress.

As I look back on another post from when I accepted this job and then think about events that have transpired since being here, it's undeniable, praise the Lord, that I'm supposed to be settled here.  Figuring out "being settled" won't happen with the snap of my fingers or the throwing of any tantrums.

So now I look ahead, but not too far ahead.  I eagerly anticipate the things to come.  My heart still takes some convincing once in a while, but thankfully Jesus is patient with me.

An Insatiable Hunger

These past 3-4 weeks have been quite a ride.  We left for the youth mission trip to West Virginia on July 7th.  The trip was amazing.  Lives and hearts were changed... not just for those of us on my team, but in the community we served in as well.  It was a joy and honor to lead this team.  Both the youth and adults did an amazing job of diving in and doing whatever it took.  Looking back, I know things went as smoothly as they did because people were praying.  Many from my congregation committed to praying for us each and every day we were gone.  The Lord moved, of course, and His prompting has been quite clear.  Please continue praying for the team as they are back to "normal life" and trying to be sensitive to God's voice.  Pray for the youth and their new or renewed commitments to Jesus.  Pray for discernment as I try to nurture their faith and guide them in their walks with God.

Allan, Bryan, Kelly, me, Deb, Abby in WV

The whole gang from 3 different churches

Something that was extra special for me was being on the trip with a church in Indiana that I worked with for many years.  I went on Trent's first mission trip with that church... the 3 participants were in middle school.  This year was their senior year, so I got to be on their first and last trip, which was really nice for all of us.

Original Chattanooga team ('07)
Dean, Adam, me, Bonnie, Trent, and Taylor (not pictured)

It was refreshing to my soul to be with Trent's church and reconnect with the kids and adult leaders.  I was very close with many of them even while traveling back and forth to Africa.  God is so good and knows just what we need.

We got home from the mission trip that Friday night and on Monday morning, the 15th, VBS began.  My role was to help out with music, so though we were exhausted from the mission trip my friend Allan and I played, sang, jumped, and danced to VBS songs all week long.  The week went well and the kids had a blast.  I have to admit, even though large groups of young children stress me out, I had a lot of fun being silly and singing loud, obnoxious songs with them.

By the time Saturday rolled around, I was more than ready for some rest.  A wonderful couple from church invited me and Allan and his kids to go out on their boat and see some sights and do some fishing.  So we met them around 9:30am, boarded the boat and cruised up the Delaware river.  We went up beyond the airport and to the Philadelphia Naval Ship yard.  After checking out the huge battleships we cruised back down south to a fishing spot.  We anchored and spent a few hours fishing and enjoying each other's company.  The kids had a blast and fishing became quite the competition.  Our captains didn't get to fish much, but they had a great time baiting our (mine and the kid's) hooks and helping to take fish off.  I was willing to remove fish, but only if the worms weren't close to where I had to touch, naturally.  After that spot was all fished out, we moved even farther south to another hot spot.  We all had a lot of success and ended the day when we ran out of bait at around 4:30.

Getting ready for a day on the high seas ;)

Our hosts/captains Harold and Ruthie 

K caught the first fish of the day

J got plenty too

I did NOT love the catfish

Allan got the biggest catch of the day

After fishing we played volleyball for a couple of hours until we could hardly stay awake any longer.  It was a fun, relaxing day, but I was exhausted after two weeks of crazy scheduling.

This past week was a bit slower.  We had a beach day with the youth in Ocean City, the second of the month.  I love that I get to just spend time with my youth during the summer.  No set-in-stone programming, just focused on relationship building.  I found a little bit of time to rest in between catching up on work, taking care of the house, and going to meetings.  Then this past Saturday night, we went over to Philly and picked up Jodi, a former youth kid of mine from Naperville.  I love calling her "friend" now and seeing how much she's grown over the past 5 years.  She's now a senior in college and has a cool future ahead of her.  She's here until this Saturday.  It's already been a major blessing having her here.  We always pick up where we've left off and it's so refreshing to have someone so familiar around.  

Aside from the craziness of my schedule and lack of sleep, I'm feeling very energized.  The Lord has been speaking to me very clearly both in my personal life and in my ministry.  I have clear direction right now and I'm just so excited to see what God has in mind.  It's such a joy to be a part of something so cool.  As I dive into the Word, God reveals more and more about how to move forward and about the reality/necessity of revival in this place.  As tired as I was last week, I simply couldn't wait to get to worship on Sunday morning.  All week I had this feeling of excited anticipation-- that feeling you get when you're really looking forward to a vacation or a special event or something-- I just wanted to worship God... to sing His praises and bring Him glory... to meet with other believers, share the Word, and encourage one another.  Done and done.  I love the leadership I get to work with and we're all very much on the same page these days which makes things easier.  I love feeling like I can't get enough of God.  I just want to be with Him.

I've been hanging out in 2 Corinthians lately and I want to share this tonight, as it's my prayer... to see and reflect the glory of the Lord.

"But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image."  2 Corinthians 3:16-18

In Awe of My Savior

I woke up early after having a few crazy dreams that all somehow ran together.  I felt unsettled so I put on Pandora and worshipped as I showered and got ready.  I spent much of my day today just talking to Jesus.  I'm convinced that many who encountered me thought I was insane, but that's never stopped me before.  The enemy works really hard to bring me down, especially when I'm excited about something.  He threw quite a few curveballs at me today, but Jesus had them handled.  He gets all the glory and His plan will be seen through.

I could sit here and list all of my anxieties and fears, but that wouldn't properly reflect my Savior or His work in my life.  Instead, I want to list all of the things about Him that I'm grateful for tonight.

• His strength
• His unnecessary humility
• The fact that He is interested in the smallest detail of my life and doesn't tire of hearing me while I'm stuck on repeat about certain things
• He is trustworthy
• He is enough
• His unconditional love is really, truly unconditional
• He has forgiven me
• He is good and doesn't have the ability to be anything but that
• He has felt every emotion that I have and His understanding is way beyond me
• He's beautifully creative
• His provision 
• He is truth
• His arms of love that don't grow weary of holding me
• His clear leading
• His sovereignty
• He is holy
• He became flesh... He dwelt among us... He knew no sin
• He is alive
• He is above logic and I love it

I'm so in awe of my Savior.  Pain and trials are inevitable, but Jesus makes them bearable.  His goodness is so overwhelming.  I'm so grateful to those who told me about Jesus and then walked with me, guiding me into a daily relationship with Him years ago.  It's not always been perfect, in fact it's often been the farthest thing from perfect because of my human nature, but it's been more than worth it. I pray that you, yes YOU would know Him and intimately... that you would experience the true joy of being in relationship with the Creator.  My prayer is that you (& I) would find rest in His presence tonight and every night.  

Fierce Competition

In April, I started up a volleyball game on Saturday evenings.  It's an open game and it's intended to be outreach.  We have had pretty much the same group of players every week since we started with a few others mixed in here and there.  The nights when we're playing with newbies or people who aren't normally there are a bit different than the nights when it's just the "normal" group.

When it's just us, so to speak, it gets pretty competitive.  At least, it does in my mind.  No one is shy about their frustrations with their teammates on a poorly hit or missed ball, myself included.  

When I was young, I generally did well in sports.  Even in random pick-up games with my brother and his friends... street hockey, basketball, baseball, soccer, football, etc..  We were always doing something.  I only participated in 2 organized sports- gymnastics and soccer.  My sister and I were very good at gymnastics.  Being two and a half years younger than she is, I was always trying to be just like her and live up to her level.  We were very competitive.  I can remember a particularly fierce meet where I did really well on the balance beam and floor exercise, but because my sister was older, she was able to do the uneven bars and made my routines look like nothing.  

Into high school and college, my focus was on all things music.  Sports were a thing of the past and learning guitar and singing was the thing to do.  I took piano lessons for about a year before I got frustrated with my progress and quit.  It was the same thing with guitar... I learned just enough to get by and I found myself surrounded by such talent, that I just settled for "ok" because I didn't have to be great.  Likewise, with singing- I took voice lessons, but hated the recitals because they were filled with other students who were, in my opinion much better than me.  Even in college when I was working on my music major, I became easily discouraged because a) I developed nodes on my vocal chords, thus preventing good practice time and b) it seemed as though everyone around me was a musical genius who didn't have to work hard at anything.

That's been the pattern for me and I don't like it.  I saw this reoccurring pattern last night at volleyball.  Volleyball is something that I've grown to love over the last 5 years.  I started playing in Uganda with an awesome group of friends and family, and my love for it has grown.  I'm not great, but I'm not bad either.  It's something I feel I should be able to excel at, so when I make a bad play I get pretty frustrated.  That frustration is magnified when others are being critical too.  I more critical of myself than those around me are aware of, so it's not fair for me to take their criticisms too personally.  Last night as we were playing, we had one person who had been there once and one who was brand new.  I made it a point to remind myself that we're just there for fun, but my competitive nature overtook me a number of times.  I chose to remain fairly quiet by the end because my words would not have been so edifying.  I'm sure you're aware, but for the most part I'm usually pretty loud, boisterous, and opinionated and it's intensified when I'm playing sports or doing anything competitively.

As I become more active again, I need to work on this fierceness.  It's not a good look to get so easily frustrated and it definitely takes the fun out of things... for me and for those around me.  Not to mention that it speaks loudly about my struggle with pride.  As I thought it through this afternoon, I began reflecting on Jesus' life and ministry.  He walked ever so humbly, though He is the King of Kings.  He encouraged those around Him, always building them up, never knocking them down.

This scripture came to mind as I prayed about my attitude and actions.  Philippians 2:1-11

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing

    by taking the very nature of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself

    by becoming obedient to death—

        even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,

    to the glory of God the Father."

This is my prayer tonight... "He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30

Separation

The rest of my time at home was good.  I spent the entire day with my nieces on Wednesday.  I took them with me to visit my bff, Carley and her two little girls.  We had a picnic in the park and the kids played on the playground for a while.  It is always a major blessing to be with Carley.  She has always been the type to ask tough, yet very real questions.  I appreciate that about her.  Our conversations always lead back to Christ and what He's doing in our lives... something else I really appreciate about her.  When we got home from Carley's it didn't look like the pool was open, so we put our swim suits on anyways and the three of us ran through the sprinkler for a while.  I'm sure the neighbor's think I'm nuts, but I'm ok with that.  After running through the sprinkler, we quickly ate dinner and then had a High School Musical marathon.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I enjoy those movies, but I'm totally blown away that they're old enough to want to watch those kind of movies now.  What the heck?!

Thursday, I spent my day in downtown Naperville with my youth kids.  All of them are in college now and have very different work schedules, but I got to see a good number of them.  I love catching up and learning about their lives.  I'm so very proud of all of them... I love seeing how Christ is moving in their lives.  They are all amazing young adults and it's been quite an honor to be a part of their journeys.  I love how much we laugh when we're together.  Old inside jokes, quoting movies, and sharing stories... so great.

I got up at 4:30am on Friday, knowing that I would be stopping in Indy to see my youth kids there, thus putting myself a bit behind schedule considering the time change and that I wanted to be home in time to be somewhere Saturday morning.  A group of 8 or 9 of them met me at a Denny's right off the highway and it was nothing but laughter and joy.  We spent a couple hours visiting and getting pumped for the mission trip.  (My youth group is going to the same site on the same week... I'm pretty excited.)

When I finally got back on the road, I was drained from the week.  Lots of good, some frustration, and some concern came out of my trip.  I can't express how much good it did me to be in Illinois, though.  I loved being surrounded by everything familiar... it was very comforting.  This past Sunday at church someone said to me, "I can tell that was a much needed vacation.  You are just glowing now, vibrant."  I guess I didn't realize how much I missed familiarity until just recently.  When others can see your resolve waning, you know it's time for a break.  For a few weeks leading up to my trip a few different people asked me if I was doing ok and told me that I just did't look like myself.  That was tough to hear, but being on this side of the trip, I can see a difference.

The drive home was uneventful and very long.  I even stopped and got caffeine (even though I gave it up a couple of months ago).  I was excited to get back and see people here, but 14 hours is a long time to drive.  My iPod and shaker egg kept me pretty entertained.  In fact, by the time I got to Jersey I had nearly no voice due to all of the singing.  Shuffle kept playing some really great worship songs and I wanted nothing more than to just sing to my King.  I got home and was pleased at how much I actually missed it here.  I'm so blessed to be here and I absolutely love my friends and my church family.  Not that I had any doubt, but God really knew what He was doing when He brought me here and asked me to be settled.  It's not always been easy, but there's almost nowhere else I'd rather be.

Almost nowhere else.  I want to be in Africa right now.  Today I received word that one of my former students passed away.  It was very unexpected and is completely heartbreaking.  Jana was in my roommate's 1st grade class when we got to Uganda in 2008 to teach at Heritage International School (HIS).  My 6th grade classroom was on the opposite end of campus, but I spent a decent amount of time with her class.  I even had the chance to teach them music.  She had an amazing class that year.  Jana was always a very bright spot.  She was almost always smiling and usually very excited to see me.  I got to know her family pretty well as her dad worked in the cafeteria and her mom was the school nurse.  I can remember those times when I was on duty in the cafeteria and my roommate's class would call me over to hang out with them.  "Miss Christina come sit by us,"they would call.  Somehow I always ended up near Jana and her little friends at the table.  They were so stinkin' cute and always had something silly to say.  

Jana would have been going into grade 6 this year.  I haven't taught at HIS since 2009.  Even when I was in Uganda in 2011, I didn't spend much time at HIS since I was doing other WGM stuff and working at the Center of Hope, but that time away doesn't take away the pain of losing a dear child.  Hearing the story of her passing today reduced me to tears... not because I knew Jana well or was currently in her life, but because for the rest of their lives, her family has to live without her.  As I've mentioned before, death is not something I deal with very well.  What really struck me was the thought of their separation from their daughter, sister, and friend.  We know that Jana is dancing with Jesus today, but that doesn't heal the void here on earth.  Her parents love the Lord and I'm grateful for that.  

I've never been able to grasp how to handle the loss of a child.  I don't have words that can comfort.  There are plenty of reminders of God's strength and comfort in scripture and right now that and prayer is what I can offer the family.

Separation is so painful.  This afternoon, after hearing about Jana, I started to think about how God knows and experiences emotions just like we do... only much more intensely.  It made me think about how painful it must have been to be separated from Jesus while He was on earth.  Not a complete separation, sure, but what about those three days when Jesus had descended?  When He was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He knew He was about to take the wrath of God.   Not only that, He was also going to, in death, experience separation from God.  God knows our pain and has felt it in ways that we can't understand.  

This loss reminded about how absolutely urgent the Good News of Christ is for every single person we encounter.  Every single person has a soul at stake.  Are we using every ounce of energy we have to tell our family, friends, and strangers about what Christ has done?  I want to know that those I love will spend eternity with the King of Kings.  I want to know that I won't be without those I've lost forever.

Jana is not the first student I've lost and let me tell you, it doesn't get easier.  I can only rest in the strength of my Savior tonight and trust that His plan is perfect.  Come Lord Jesus.

No Place Like It

On Thursday I dropped Piper off with my bff, went to worship team practice, out to YoGo, finished packing, and was asleep by 11pm so that I could get up at 4:30am to hit the road to Chicago.  I was on the road by 5:30 and through PA before lunch.  The excitement and anticipation kept me alert as my mind wandered.  Between times of prayer, loud, obnoxious singing, playing my shaker egg, and talking on the phone, the miles just slipped away.  I made it a point to go the southern route so I could see people in Indy, but that didn't work out.  When I got to northern Indiana, I stopped for a few hours to visit a friend I met while serving in Africa, who's wrapping up life here for now and getting ready to move to China.  This was my last opportunity to see him and I'm grateful that it worked, but when I got back on the road I was tired!

By the time I got back to the main highway, my anticipation and excitement were waning.  However, entering into Illinois brought new life and I turned on the AM radio to catch the end of a Cubs win.  What a great way to be welcomed home.  Driving down the highways and toll roads, I felt a sense of ease.  I didn't have to think about where I was going or about checking my gps.  It was all so natural and comfortable.  Even the driving style of those around me was a comfort.  Yes, they were all driving like they were in the race of a lifetime, but it was familiar and I found that I can still keep up.  Most people just know that the left lane is the fast lane and if someone is coming up quickly behind you, you move over and let them through.  About an a half hour into the great race, I saw a car being pulled over with out of state plates and I was quickly reminded that I now have out of state plates and should probably not drive quite as aggressively.  

My nieces didn't know I was coming home, but they weren't home when I got here which gave me time to visit with my parents and siblings, empty my car, and settle in.  When the girls got home they were tired and crabby, but as soon as they saw me their faces lit up like it was Christmas morning and they both ran to me while squealing with joy.  Just their initial reactions made the long drive worth it.  They went to bed and after visiting for a little while longer, my adrenaline ceased, and so did I!  Saturday was spent with just the family which was nice.  I got a lot of stuff done with my mom that I needed to... like go to Sam's club to replenish my supplies for my house.  Thanks Mom!  

We had a pretty quiet Father's day.  I slept in, meandered around for a while, then went to the pool for a few hours before coming home to grill some yummy steaks with the family.  It was a typical holiday here.  A lot of laziness.  That's actually something that I'm not used to anymore.  I found myself anxious to be doing something... anything.  No one wanted to play tennis or go for a walk, or a hike.  Everyone was pretty content to just sit around.  Not really my thing these days.  I really missed playing volleyball at church and I'm a little bummed to be missing our softball game tonight too.  I tried taking my brother's dog for a walk with my nieces... that was a joke.  We got about 3/4 of a mile form the house and the dog laid down and refused to move.  I pulled and pulled, but he wouldn't budge.  I even pulled his collar off, but he didn't care, he just laid there panting as if he was going to die.  He weighs about 50lbs and he's not fond of being picked up (and he's mean), so for fear of being bitten I resolved to drag his fat little butt the 3/4 of a mile back home.  Each time we walked through a spot of shade he stopped and laid down.  It took us at least 15 minutes to get home.  Geez!  When even the dog is inactive, you know it's bad!

Last night I spent nearly 3 hours catching up with some very dear, encouraging friends.  We served as youth leaders together and they happen to be the parents of 3 youth boys (now college men!) that I've had the pleasure of knowing for years.  I just love them all so much.  I love catching up with people and being able to be completely, 100% me.  The comfort of longstanding relationships is wonderful.  We laughed a lot... and we talked about some tough stuff.  It was so refreshing.  I'm so blessed.

There are aspects of being home that are really hard, but I really am glad to be here.  There's no place like home, right?  There are just some people that are tough to be around, but I'd say that the good outweighs the bad for sure.  What family doesn't experience that, really?  I'm excited for the next few days of adventures here.  Thanks Jesus.