Sabbath Work

This past weekend I took my youth kids on our winter retreat.  It was incredible and I will definitely post about it here when I'm done processing it.  Thanks be to God, though!

I've been blessed with a huge variety of different types of relationships and as I'm sure you know, I take pride in them.  They are a gift from God and I cherish each one.  My youth are so important to me and something I've heard a lot of in the past few weeks is that the Church can be confusing because it is hypocritical in some ways.  When I ask for specifics I'm not usually given too many details, but I try to do my best to explain things.  That's something that the Church as a whole has always been accused of and unfortunately, it has been proven true too many times due to our human nature and the sinfulness of this world.  We will never please everyone and we will often mess up.  Thank God for His redemptive grace, amen??

This week I was saddened to experience some of what they were talking about.  I've not been able to look past it.  The issue of the Sabbath has always been a bit of a hot topic in churches.  There's disagreement about what day the Sabbath falls on and what we should or should not be doing on said day.  It's become so legalistic that people are turned off to the idea of regularly attending church.  How sad, really.

I don't claim to be a "Sabbath genius" or anything awesome like that, but here are some of my observations/thoughts.  I work on both Saturday and Sunday.  That's the nature of my job.  Should I quit so that I don't work on the Sabbath?  The answer is a big NO!  I choose to take my sabbath on Mondays.  Do I sometimes have to get stuff done on Mondays?  Yes.  My sabbath time is spread out throughout the week because of my ministry schedule.  

There are some who are of the firm belief that Sunday is the Lord's day and NOTHING should be done on that day.  It must be a day of rest.  I can respect that.  Here's my question, though: If Sunday is indeed the Lord's day, yet you choose to go out to eat after church, are you causing others to sin?  The people who cook and serve you your food, those who clean your table... those people all have to work on the Lord's day.  Don't we want a restful Sabbath for those in the restaurant business?  What about retail workers?  Where does it end?  Our culture has drastically changed and it's socially acceptable for these places to conduct business 7 days a week.  Are we okay with "others" working or shouldn't we encourage them to rest as well?  

I've seen people very quick to shoot something down because of the Sabbath and then seen those same people go out and expect others to work for them.  So where is the line?  What is acceptable?  Why are we so nonchalant about the lives of others when we're so concerned about what happens to those within the 4 walls of the church building?  Jesus came for all, not some.  

Legalism and double standards run rampant.  My hope is for my youth to know Christ in spite these things.  Jesus, give us your eyes.

Love and Other Musings

I got a text at about 8:45 this morning informing me that a few of our Sunday school teachers weren't going to be able to make it due to the ice.  This meant that 1st-12th grades were going to be without Sunday school.  I didn't actually see the text until about 9:15 or so because I didn't have my phone on me.  This meant that I had approximately 30 minutes to get a shower and get over there to look at lesson plans.  Yes, I could have cancelled SS for the teachers, but not only would that have been unfair to the parents, but SS is vital for our kids.  I also couldn't fathom trying to find someone else so last minute... my first response was, "ok, let's do this."

Can I be honest about something?  I do NOT enjoy teaching kids under the age of 12.  Yes, I can do it.  Yes, I've done it plenty of times before.  No, I don't like it.  It's not my forte.  The busyness of that age group stresses me out and the inattention is beyond annoying to me.  This doesn't mean that I think their love for the Lord and their education is unimportant.  There will never be a time when I dismiss a group just because I'm not great with them.  That's just not how Jesus responds to people.  He doesn't dismiss me because I'm obnoxious and high-strung, therefore I won't dismiss children.

I got into the elementary classroom, found the lesson, and prepared to teach.  Since the high school teacher wasn't able to come, I was trying to figure out a way to make the kids' lesson relevant to the older kids as well.  I only had a few older kids come and they were very gracious as I mainly focused on the younger ones.  All in all, I felt like the lesson went pretty well.  We finished a little faster than I wanted to... mostly because I'm not great at drawing out such simplistic lessons.  I generally think and plan for a much different  level of logic and reasoning.  So as we finished, the older ones went to find food and the younger ones just started getting into EVERYTHING.  Ugh.  After a few minutes of free play, I decided I needed to take control of the room again.  I set up a game that we play at youth group sometimes and we played that for the last 10 minutes or so.  

By the end of my time with them, I couldn't stop smiling.  The stress was gone and the atmosphere in the room was very light-hearted.  They really enjoyed the game.  More than that, I think they felt so cool and important because the youth pastor, who only hangs out with the big kids, was spending time with them.  I entered the room so worried about connecting with kids that I don't spend any time with and trying to think of ways to relate to them, and left the room beyond encouraged.  I know it's common to their age group to kind of just go with the flow, but I was amazed at how they just welcomed me into their classroom.  They weren't bothered or thrown off by such a change.  They just went with it.  I'd do it again, if it was absolutely necessary.  I'm definitely not gifted in working with kids younger than 12 years old and it's still not something I love, but I sure did love my time with them today.  I love their innocence.  I also love that they think they are sneaky and can get away with things... not on my watch, kids.  I taught in an elementary classroom for a couple of years... I know all their tricks.

By the time youth group rolled around tonight, I felt relieved to be back in my element.  Such a sweet affirmation.  Senior high in particular was a sweet time for me tonight.  I felt like they really understood the lesson and took it to heart.  This coming weekend we're heading off on our winter retreat and I'm excited to get some renewed momentum for my program.  Prayers are much appreciated!

Aside from my adventures with the kids today, this weekend has pretty much gone as I expected it would.  The Yield service on Saturday was a huge blessing to me.  Every single week, it's what I most look forward to because I love seeing God take over and move... in spite of me!  My abilities are minimal, but His are huge.  I spent a great deal of time (unnecessarily) stressing out about my sermon this week.  The silly thing is that I knew just what God wanted to get across because He gave it to me, but I was scared of messing it up.  What a ridiculous amount of credit I give myself.  As if I could stand in His way!  As the service started and the Spirit took over, everything was lovely.  We always pray a few times before the service starts and no matter how common the prayer becomes, it always centers everything on Christ.  I'm so thankful for my ministry partner who is ever encouraging and gracious... even when my high-anxiety, craziness takes over.  What an amazing blessing to serve with him.

Just this afternoon I was thinking about how changed I am as a result of those around me.  They always tell me how much I've affected their lives and that the impact I've had is huge, but I don't think they realize just how much they've done for me.  I've never been more challenged, yet more encouraged than I have in the last two years.  I've been pushed, yet there are times I've been carried.  I've also done the pushing the carrying.  I am forever changed.  God has truly ordained a special team and I LOVE being a part of it.  

On a totally different note, Friday, before going out and even on my way home, I was thinking about real, true, and unconditional love.  Not the cheesy, Hallmark-induced love, though.  As we were out, I observed lots of different displays of love.  It got me thinking about people who don't know the love of Christ.  It really and truly baffles me how people live without knowing His love.  Without Christ, is love ever really unconditional?  How can it be?  No one can be that completely selfless without Jesus, can they?  How beautiful is His love?  How complete and perfect?  I guess I'm naive, but I really don't understand how marriages that aren't centered on Christ work out.  Please understand that I'm not judging those of you who don't claim to know Christ... I'm truly curious.  

I've somehow been stuck on 1 John 4:7-21 for a few months now.  I guess I'll keep exploring this passage as I rest in God's love and continue to learn how to love others with love that's been perfected in Him.  Here it is...

"7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? 21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters."

Jealousy is NOT a Good Look for Me

“If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.  But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.  For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.  For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.  And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”  -James 3:13-18

Jealousy is not a good look for me.  It's not a good look for anyone, for that matter, yet it's something I struggle with from time to time.  The fact that most people experience jealousy once in a while isn't a comfort either.  It generally leads to sin.  Jealousy comes in so many forms too... from financial and material jealousy to relational jealousy, it's really ugly.

Money is not something that I get jealous over.  In fact, I really hate money and wish I didn't have to deal with it or have so much of my life defined by it.  Living simply is beautiful... it's not so easy to live simply in the America.  It was so interesting to pack for my second year in Uganda when I knew what to expect.  I didn't bring nearly as much stuff.  I found that I could live without so much stuff I thought I would die without during my first year.  I don't like having money and I feel like it's a distraction - to the point where if I have a few extra bucks and get my nails done, even looking at how beautiful my hands look with lovely nails is a distraction.  It takes my attention away from the Creator, even if it's just for a few minutes each day.  Sounds silly, I know, but I'm just being honest.  I don't think there's anything wrong with being beautiful or doing things to make yourself feel good, but when it becomes an issue of pride or a distraction for me or those around me, it's a problem.  If I'm called to be like Christ, I've got to learn to walk humbly in all that I do.

Since money is one of my least favorite things and since I almost never have much of it, I generally focus my attentions on relationships.  The most important things in my life are my relationships and I try to work really hard at maintaining them.  People mean the world to me.  If you're in my life, chances are I'm going to make sure you stay there.  Knowing my propensity for strong relationships and that my love language is quality time, I find that relational jealousy is something I need to be careful of.

A few weeks ago, I was in a meeting and something that was said sparked a huge surge of jealousy within me.  It was like I couldn't control it.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and instantly I was angry.  And then many more emotions struck almost all at once.  I was jealous of the time someone had given away, I was angry that the time wasn't spent with me (as though I'm the most important person in the world), I was sad, and then I was angry and embarrassed by my dramatic response.  Now, all of this happened within me, but I know that I wasn't good at hiding the shift in my mood.  The whole feel of the room changed once that jealousy struck.  It changed the feel of the rest of the evening for me and probably for others who were with me.

I've reflected on that experience for a few weeks now and I still find myself embarrassed at my response and I'm still in no way justified in those feelings.  I've taken it to the Lord and explored the root of this jealousy... and He has begun a new work in me.  I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy.  I'm so thankful that even when I mess up and allow my human nature to take over, He is always standing, arms wide open, ready to welcome me back.  Praise God forever!

Scripture speaks of God being a jealous God.  Deuteronomy 4:24 says, "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."  Exodus 34:13-14 says, "You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim (for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God)..."

I feel like God's jealousy is different from the jealousy that is so common to humans.  His jealousy is a vigilance in maintaining or guarding us.  He is the Creator of all, so He deserves all of our attention and love.  Of course He's jealous for us... He's created us to bring Himself glory, which He deserves.  How amazing that our huge God is jealous for us, that He wants all of us?  How humbling and assuring?!  We can rest in that, can't we?

Indeed, He is jealous for me.  I want to reflect that jealousy... I want it to be seen in my actions and heard through my words.  May I only be Jesus to those I interact with.  Lord, remove my jealousy for humans and the things of earth.  Amen.

He Wanted More

In my last post I mentioned that I was doing a sermon series on healing.  It was a brief series, but man, I really loved every minute of it.  God gave me some amazing clarity and understanding and it was a joy to share that with the congregation.  I'm so thankful for the last 3 weeks of ministry.

The first week focused on Jesus' absolute power, authority, and ability to heal everyone and everything.  We talked about God's role as healer long before the world began and that He knew how huge that role was going to be.  We talked about the various ways that He healed.  We also talked about the response of faith of those who were healed.

The second week we focused on Jesus' willingness to heal, using the story from Matthew 8.  We focused on the wording of the passage and Jesus' great compassion.  I also talked about the fact that sometimes the answer is no, and God chooses not to heal, but that the fact that He is indeed sovereign over all is something that we can rest in and trust completely.  The first part of the sermon was so exciting to deliver because I just love Jesus' response to the leper, but the second part was definitely challenging because of it's nature.  We don't like to hear that sometimes it's a "no."  All in all, I was very pleased with the way God had designed each of the sermons, but I knew He was asking me for more.  The "more" scared me, to be honest.  I knew what "more" was and I trembled.

"More" meant living out the very thing that I had been preaching about.  My third sermon was to focus on our involvement and call to healing.  My initial thought was to really focus in on Acts 9, but as I started to write, God rerouted me and had me start with the sending out of the disciples.  So, we first talked through Jesus giving the disciples the power and authority to heal and cast out evil spirits, and how that's the same power and authority He gave us when He spoke His command for us to GO.  Then I moved into Acts 9 and used Peter as an example of a mere human-- a man who had denied Christ THREE times and was often emotional and irrational-- who was able to heal in Jesus' name.  It was a call to action and faith... small faith like that of a mustard seed, which can command even a mountain to move.

I need to back up a bit though before moving on the the next part of the service.  I mentioned that "more" scared me.  When I knew God was asking me to have a time of anointing, laying on of hands, and prayer at the end of that last sermon, I was more than intimidated.  Let me be clear: I was NOT doubting God's ability.  My reaction of fear and trembling came from knowing just how absolutely big and powerful my God is.  I knew that He was going to do some huge things in people's lives, in my own life as well, and I was intimidated.

I often find myself wondering, "who am I?  Why on earth should I be used for such an important thing?"  And most often, "I don't have the authority that most in my denomination would expect when performing such important tasks."  As my fears and insecurities grew, I knew I needed to be on my knees.  I was horribly sick this past week and unable to leave home, so I had lots of prayer time, thanks be to God.  Thursday night I had a conference call prayer meeting with my senior pastor, Tom and our worship leader, Allan.  It was a very sweet time of prayer.  When Saturday rolled around, I was secure in my role and position, but still filled with nervous excitement, so I needed to be on my knees some more.  You don't just have a healing service without being filled by the Holy Spirit and without completely covering it with prayer!  When Allan arrived so we could start working on music, the first thing we did was pray.  When we had gotten through the songs and had them down really well, we prayed more.  And then as people came in and right before we started worship, we prayed.  The Spirit was on the move and even as the first notes were played, I could feel His presence and it was strong.  By the time we got to the last song of the first set His presence was almost overwhelming.  I couldn't keep myself from smiling as we sang, "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty!!!"  Gives me chills even now.

Now, back to the end of the sermon... I told them that we were going to have a healing service.  I explained what that would look like, we prayed, and then I invited them to come kneel at the alter so that I could anoint them with oil, lay hands on them, and pray with the individually.  It was incredible, though I would expect nothing less.  Every single person in that sanctuary came forward at one point or another, starting with Allan, so that he could then play a little guitar for us.  I've never felt so empowered by the Holy Spirit, yet so very humbled and privileged to lay hands on so many people and pray.  It was such a sweet time of worship, I don't have words strong enough to express the beauty and power present.  Hallelujah, praise God forever!  He is awesome indeed!

I'm still in awe.  There are so many things to be thankful for.  I'm thankful that I serve a God compassionate enough to WANT to heal.  I'm thankful for a senior pastor who prays, encourages, empowers, and trusts.  I'm thankful for an incredible worship leader and ministry partner who not only spends time thinking about and planning the perfect song set, but also who loves Jesus and loves worshiping Him, who spends lots of time practicing and perfecting so he can effectively lead others into worship, who prays, who gives constructive and honest feedback, and who is patient enough to put up with my crazy as I fumble through.  I'm thankful God asked for MORE and then gave me the strength and faith to obey.  To Him be ALL the glory.

How great is our God!

"That just has to be ok"

I really don't like the phrase, "it is what it is."  I've used it many times, but I've tried to stop.  It just sounds so defeatist doesn't it?  Like whatever "it" is, isn't important enough to care about too much?

"That just has to be ok" is a phrase I've heard myself use a lot lately.  At first, I thought it was in place of "it is what it is," but as I think more about how I've been using it, it's nothing like "it is what it is."

The times I've heard myself use it have always been in reference to God's ways.  A few weeks ago I preached a sermon called, "Future Plans."  It went right along with the idea of new years resolutions.  One of the scriptures we talked about was Proverbs 19:21 which says, "You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."  Like a wrecking ball to an abandoned building, the idea of God's plans being best keeps smashing into my heart and mind, tearing down walls, removing me, making room for more of Him.

And as I preach on healing during this current sermon series, I've used the phrase, "that just has to be ok" numerous times.  I think it's beautifully submissive to God.  It's not like giving up a fight, or being dragged away kicking and screaming.  It's like resting and trusting that His ways really are best; that He knows and that's enough.  Breathe in; breathe out; rest.

This hasn't always been so easy for me.  I'm a bit of a fighter, as I'm sure many of you would attest to, so I don't rest very easily.  I had a plan laid out in my mind (and society was/is great at reinforcing that my plan was good).  I was going to go to college, meet my husband, get married, work/do ministry, have a few children, travel, and live happily ever after.  Well here I sit, at 31, sans husband and kids, and my life has looked NOTHING like I originally planned.  God's ways are best.  There have been times, though, when I have doubted that with every ounce of my being.

How could me being lonely and alone be His best for me?  How could me feeling like an outsider to the rest of my friends who had "normal" lives be His best?  How could I NOT be a mom?  I have so much love to share and I'd be a really good mom, so why don't I have my own kids?  See a pattern?  It's all about me. (Cue the world's tiniest violin.)

There were plenty of times when I was so worried about me, that I didn't give Him a chance to move.  Of course, I couldn't see what was to come.  Two, year-long stints in Africa... would I have been obedient enough to go?  Would being married have allowed that?  Would I have been brave enough to take kids there?  (I would now, no questions, but probably not then.)  Would I have moved my family 900 miles for this job?  Would I even be doing what I'm doing had I forced my plan to work?

I think I know the answer to all of those questions.  God knows the desire of my heart is to be married and to be able to do ministry with my husband.  He knows how badly I want children, whether my own or not (my, how He's changed my heart on that).  He knows and that just has to be ok.  It has to be enough.  And it is... because I trust Him and because His ways really are best.

As God continues to reveal more of who He wants me to be, I will continue to rest knowing that He is trustworthy.

Psalm 33

1 Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous;

    it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

2 Praise the LORD with the harp;

    make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.

3 Sing to him a new song;

    play skillfully, and shout for joy.

4 For the word of the LORD is right and true;

    he is faithful in all he does.

5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice;

    the earth is full of his unfailing love.

6 By the word of the LORD the heavens were made,

    their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;

    he puts the deep into storehouses.

8 Let all the earth fear the LORD;

    let all the people of the world revere him.

9 For he spoke, and it came to be;

    he commanded, and it stood firm.

10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations;

    he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.

11 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,

    the purposes of his heart through all generations.

12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,

    the people he chose for his inheritance.

13 From heaven the LORD looks down

    and sees all mankind;

14 from his dwelling place he watches

    all who live on earth—

15 he who forms the hearts of all,

    who considers everything they do.

16 No king is saved by the size of his army;

    no warrior escapes by his great strength.

17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;

    despite all its great strength it cannot save.

18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,

    on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

19 to deliver them from death

    and keep them alive in famine.

20 We wait in hope for the LORD;

    he is our help and our shield.

21 In him our hearts rejoice,

    for we trust in his holy name.

22 May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,

    even as we put our hope in you.

Miraculous Relationships

This has been one of those weeks where running away would be the easiest thing to do.  I've already discussed my propensity to "flight" here, so I won't go into detail.  I like change.  I like adventure.  I like to be mobile, transient, if you will.  It's a good thing God gives me the opportunity to be new each day, right?

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.  For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!  So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Jesus is always bringing me back to Himself.  He sweetly draws me in and then brings me to a place of stillness and peace.  He has this way of sending me little love gifts throughout each day.  This week my gifts came in the form of "former youth kids."  I put that phrase in quotes because proximity to my kids doesn't seem to matter.  He reminded of some miraculous relationships and I want to share about how they came about because I'm so thankful for the ways He continually affirms my role in ministry.

In 2009 when I came back from Uganda, I was asked to help out with the youth from what I used to call my home church.  It had been many years since I attended regularly.  (After college I took a job in a church about 15 miles from my home church, so it wasn't until I got back to the States years later that I decided to attend that church again.)  The first evening of youth group that I went to was so intimidating.  I had been gone from that place for so long that I hardly knew any of the leadership and all of the kids were new to me.  I was about 10 years older than the seniors which means even when I did attend before graduating high school, all of those kids would have been 8.  I would have had no interactions with them at all.  It was decided that I would direct the youth worship team.  So the first kids that I really connected with were the ones who wanted to be on the team.  As we studied the Word together and practiced our music, we became a tight-knit group.  Through that group of kids I was able to start connecting with many of the others.  The seniors that year became the group that I spent most of my time with.  There was one girl in particular who seemed to keep me, and nearly everyone else at a distance.  (Btw, I know she'll read this and if she disagrees with anything, I'll fix it.)

God has gifted me in relationship building and I knew He was asking me to connect with her.  One day, on a whim, I decided to take the train into the city to wander around.  I texted this girl, not expecting a positive response since we'd only hung out in groups prior to that, but before I knew it I was picking her up and we were heading to the train station.  That day changed everything.  Something clicked, God moved, and we connected.  We spent the next 6 months or so hanging out, sitting outside the church chatting and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes until 1 in the morning.  It was clearly a God-ordained relationship.  God had brought me back to that church for just that time to be with those specific people.  I've seen those kids struggle and fall away and I've seen them grow and make great strides.  

The miraculous part of this all is the very little time I've actually spent with them.  I was only there for about 16 months before leaving to go back to Africa.  In the grand scheme of things, 16 months is incredibly short.  (Also in that time many of them left for college, so our time together was even less.)  In those short months, God built some incredible relationships.  So much so that two of those kids came and spent 3 weeks with me in Uganda.  It's amazing to me, not only that they wanted to come hang out with me, but also that their parents had so much trust in me.  We're talking two 19-year-olds traveling 9,000 miles, alone, to Africa.  (There is NO way my parents would have let me do that when I was their age.  They had a hard enough time with it when I was 27.)  AND when they got to Uganda, one of them had requested that we be reading through the New Testament while they were there.  Um, what?  Yes, please!  It was an amazing 3 weeks and such a privilege to show them the place I love so dearly.

But wait, there's more.  When I got back to the States again, I was only in Chicago for 6 months before I moved here.  In those 6 months, God opened even more doors and added to those relationships.  There were a few newer girls who had come on the winter retreat with us right before I left the year before who were now a huge part of the group.  They just kind of fit right in.  One day one of them sent me a text asking if we could grab lunch and talk.  I didn't know her very well at all, but I knew that God was going to do something with our meeting.  I remember praying for the Spirit to lead our conversation as I drove to meet her that day.  I'm glad I prayed... she was seeking some very serious counsel and for some reason God had led her to me.  We talked things through, we probably prayed together too, and then we were one our way.  

As I quickly approach two years here, I realize that I really and truly have not been around those kids hardly at all.  Of course I've seen them every single time I've gone home and we've kept up via facebook and skype, but even those times are few and far between with most of them.  That same sweet girl just asked me to formally mentor her.  Again... um, what?!  Of course!  

So my gifts this week as I struggled along were each of these kids.  I had my first mentoring session via skype with the one student.  What an amazing honor and responsibility to be asked and trusted to mentor this sweet girl.  We even reflected a bit on how God ordained this new aspect of our relationship because logically, it just doesn't make sense.  Only God could have made it so based on our lack of time together and and the fact that we really don't know one another well at all.  Then a day later I got to chat on the phone with one of the ones who came to visit me in Uganda.  I haven't been great at keeping in touch with him and he's more of a "here and now" type of kid, but it was so refreshing to chat with him and hear about his life.  We even talked about him coming out here for a visit, which would be a huge blessing.  Seriously, the fact that he'd be willing to fly out here speaks loudly of God's workmanship in that relationship.  And last, but far from least, is a skype session with the first student I mentioned.  She is also one that came to Uganda.  She's been out here for a visit already and another one is in the works.  Amazing.  Thanks, Jesus.

These interactions have been beautiful reminders of the fruits of my labors.  They have encouraged me to keep going when I just want to run away.  What a cool way for the Father to show me that the work He's called me to is never ending and I need to keep pressing on.  The best part is that it's not only been reminders from "former kids," but from current kids as well.  I've seen so much trust from my students and their parents this week.  That's what keeps me going.  These students matter to me.  Their hearts and souls matter to me.  Their lives outside of the church matter to me.  All because Jesus says they matter.

I've been so privileged to interact with so many different people from all over the world and "here and now" is no different.  The evil one will keep trying to hinder... he'll even bring me to the point of wanting to run, but Jesus is relentless.  He will not let up.  The ministry that He's given me will move forward in His name and for His Kingdom's sake.  I will keep working to set myself aside and allow His light to shine.  

"He must become greater, I must become less."  John 3:30.  That is my prayer tonight.

Surgery and The Least of These

When I last left you, I was stuck in Chicago, but scheduled to leave on Monday, January 6th.  That didn't happen, but I finally made it home on Tuesday afternoon.  Quite the adventure, that's for sure.  If you read the last post, I mentioned not wanting to miss an important appointment for Tuesday the 7th.  I did miss it, but was able to reschedule for this past Tuesday.

The important appointment was with a surgeon.  About a month and a half ago I met with a doctor to address some pain I'd been having and she sent me straight to the surgeon.  After meeting with him, we decided that I could wait to have surgery when I got back from Chicago, though he encouraged me not to wait too long.

Well, I had surgery this past Tuesday.  All went well and there's no question about a full recovery.  The problem that I've been having is following doctor's orders.  Not being allowed to drive for a week and being told to lay down as much as possible doesn't sit well with me.  I've addressed this control issue a bit in the past... here and here (and there are probably others).

My bff was able to take me to and from the hospital.  She also stayed with me most of the day and spent the night.  I'm incredibly thankful for her and her servant's heart... especially looking back at the week, realizing how bad a patient I am.  She wouldn't let me do anything.  I wasn't allowed to get off the couch unless I needed to use the bathroom.  For someone as independent as me, that's frustrating.  I like to do things on my own.  I'm not good at accepting help from others, especially if I feel like I can do it myself.

Wednesday was much of the same.  I was still on the "good stuff" so I was on the couch all day, in and out of consciousness.  That night I had a prayer meeting with my senior pastor and my friend, Allan.  We meet pretty regularly to pray over the Yield service and though I don't remember a lot about that meeting, Christ does, and that's what matters.  They graciously agreed to meet at my house so I could remain horizontal.  Allan even ran a quick errand to the convenient store to get me some juice since I wasn't supposed to do that on my own.  My senior pastor told me I was "grounded" from the Yield service this week so that I could rest, but that just didn't sit right with me.

Thursday found me on the couch again.  My pain was getting more manageable and I was taking less meds.  Thursday night is when we have worship team practice and since I had rested all day, I decided I could go to practice for a little while.  We prayed before practice and I got a sense that God was telling me to go home, but instead of immediate obedience, I pushed it.  I didn't make it very long before I could hardly stand.  I was dizzy and in a lot of pain.  Too much too soon?  I think, yes.  Nothing like trying to push yourself against EVERYONE'S orders.  That's that stubborn, hard-headed Italian thing.  :)

Friday was a really long, difficult day for me.  I hadn't eaten very much all week, even though I was taking such harsh medicine, but I hadn't been affected by it... until Friday.  The anti-nausea meds that they gave me had apparently worn off and I was sick!  It was awful.  That's the one kind of sick that has the ability to drop me to my knees and make me cry.  Ugh.  By about 7pm I was finally starting to feel a bit better, but there was no way I was going to take any more of the good meds.  It was during that dark time of icky-ness that I felt God was asking me to speak a very specific message at Yield on Saturday (even though Allan had already planned on using his wonderful, God-given gifts to lead the congregation in my absence).  I had already made the decision in my mind to be at Yield, whether I was going to participate or not.  God's word made the decision to speak an easy one.  I didn't have to prepare much for it, it was to be brief, very simple.

So yesterday we started working on music early, around 1.  I told Allan that I was going to help lead and that I also had a word from the Lord that I needed to share.  I knew, going into the day, that I was going to end up in pain, but that didn't matter to me.  As we put the final touches on the music and people started arriving for worship, it was exciting to see a couple of faces I'd never seen before.  We greeted everyone and introduced ourselves to the newbies and then started the service.  After a few songs we explained that worship was going to look a little different than normal.

One of the newbies was a middle-aged man. He wasn't your "typical" church-goer.  He wasn't super clean and he wasn't very put-together, but he was lovely in the eyes of the Lord.  In fact, he may not have had any experience in church whatsoever, but praise the Lord, he had made it through our doors last night.  It was beautiful to watch him sing the songs of worships... songs he'd probably never heard before.  When it came time for prayer requests, he spoke up.  He spoke with humility and was very genuine.  He was really seeking God.  It was clear to me in that moment why God had given me such a specific word to share.  The word was for him.  God was nudging this man and he responded by walking through our doors.  He saw a sign... it says "come as you are," and he did.  Glory to God in the highest!

As the service ended we all stood around chatting and hanging out, and the man made an effort to ask about us.  He didn't just come and leave.  He participated; he wanted to be involved; he wanted to know more.  Our regular congregants welcomed him warmly and I really believe he left church last night having experienced the love of Christ.  Even as the last few of us left the church and headed to dinner, I felt led to pray for our new friend, so we did.

First of all, I'm so thankful to God for such clear leading!  I'm thankful that he directed my words to be the words that this man needed to hear.  I'm thankful that Allan is so good at choosing such beautiful music... and not just choosing it, but practicing it well and making it sound his best for Jesus.  I'm also thankful that when an unkempt man walked in, he wasn't ignored or tossed aside... he was welcomed with open arms.

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”  -Matthew 25:40 (emphasis mine).  Watching those words played out was nothing short of awesome.

Sitting in service was very difficult for me this morning.  I hardly got any rest all day yesterday (partially my own choice, but partially divine).  I'm in a great deal of pain today, but you know what?  I'd do it all again, every single day.  (Although I may also listen to the doctors a bit more and rest and allow people to do things for me without me complaining or feeling so useless... maybe.) 

Oh God, keep interrupting my plans... Your's are so much cooler!!  This song is my prayer today... Build Your Kingdom Here by Rend Collective Experiment.