The Only Thing

A few days ago, a friend played this song for me because it reminded her of me.  My prayer is that my attitude would continuously reflect this song.  The only thing that's good in me is Jesus.  No matter what I do/say/sing, the goodness is all Jesus' doing.  May He be glorified.

The Only Thing by Ronnie Freeman.

I heard someone say the other day

They'd seen in me true love displayed

Blessed by something I had done for them

No sooner had they said these words

I found myself somehow disturbed

Uneasy as I took their compliment

Cause I know the heart inside this man

I know the truth of who I am...

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

I know me well enough to know

No matter what this life may show

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

If you could walk the hallways of my heart

And see things as they really are

I wonder if you might be surprised

Seeing faded walls of pride and fear

Rooms I've filled with faithless tears

And corners where I've stood in compromise

But you'd see the work His grace has done

You'd know just how far I've come

In a thousand years

When the dust of this world clears

And I look back on my life

And see in perfect light

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

I know me well enough to know

No matter what this life may show

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

Make It So, Jesus

Using the term "called" doesn't seem appropriate to describe my God-given ministry.  What does it mean to be called?  In all reality, we've all been called into ministry.  If you know Jesus Savior, your job description is pretty clear.  "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."  Matthew 28:19-20.

Early in my walk with Jesus, I knew He was molding me for something different.  He drew me in and started changing my heart.  He started an on-going work in me.  There's no way to explain it well.  I just knew that something was different.  I knew I wasn't going to have the cookie-cutter life that most of my friends would have, and that was okay.  

Even when I ran from God during my sophomore year of college, His presence was unmistakeable.  I didn't see it at the time, but the lessons I learned during that rebellion have helped shape me into who I am now.  It's really hard to deny His grace and open arms.  It's hard to deny His wonder and might when you're standing at the top of Assisi, looking over the Italian countryside in complete awe as the wind blows the tall grass like waves of the ocean.  His beauty always brings me back.

After college when everyone was getting married, moving, and starting their families, I was doing ministry.  Aside from some loneliness at times, I was content.  It wasn't easy by any means... working in a church is never easy.  I slipped into my first full time youth ministry position without any kind of formal training, sometimes grasping at straws, but always trying to depend on God.  Sometimes, I tried to do things my way or the way I remembered them from my time in a youth program.  However (of course), it was when I would seek God first that things would happen and lives would change.  

There was a time in my walk where I was convinced that I was only to partner with others in leadership, to be their support, but not to lead on my own.  I wanted that to be true so that the huge responsibility wouldn't fall on me... also so I could stay partnered with those I was working with at the time.  It was safe there, but I wasn't trusting God completely by playing it safe.  I also had mixed feelings about women in leadership mainly because I was avoiding that role, but also because of people's opinions about it. 

Moving to Uganda was a huge leap of faith.  For the first 3 months I was there I questioned everything about the decision, but ultimately my faith grew and I had to step up.  God was preparing me for even bigger things.  Throughout my whole journey God has been preparing me for big things.  That isn't to say that the stuff along the way doesn't matter, just that it's been ongoing.  I've learned huge things about myself and even bigger things about God as a result of these different tasks I've been assigned.  

As I sit in this current role as youth pastor and assistant pastor, I continue to wrestle with some things in my head and heart.  This week in a meeting, I was told that I have a very strong presence... that my personality and sense of humor fit well in my current role... that when I stand in the pulpit on Saturday evenings or a random Sunday morning to preach, I speak with a God-given authority.  Can I let you in on a little secret?  That scares the heck out of me!  For a couple of PhD's to tell me that they are under my authority as I lead is incredibly intimidating and VERY humbling.  They were affirming much of who I doubt I am or could ever be.  It was a long conversation and a lot of silence on my end as I sat and took it all in and processed.  There are certain things I have always believed to be true about myself and I've allowed those things to limit me because many of them are not true according to who Christ says I am.  Hearing these things from the mouths of others has been so eye-opening, revealing and humbling.  (When someone tells you about yourself, do you ever think, "man, I'm not who they think I am?"  Well the reality is that you probably are, but you've allowed the evil one to mar your thinking and perceptions.)

So as I've been processing, I've come to a few conclusions.  First, women in ministry are not always taken seriously.  Throughout my life, I've known some incredibly strong women leaders, including senior pastors, and I've seen many scoff at them.  But, it's from some of those women that I've learned to really walk with Jesus and to really and truly love God with every ounce of my being.  Second, men don't always know how to handle a woman in leadership.  When I first moved here, I went out with a guy who was both intimidated and infuriated that I was an assistant pastor.  He was (unnecessarily) intimidated by my relationship with the Lord and my love and knowledge of Him (which is really minuscule, but hopefully always increasing), and infuriated that a woman was in leadership over men (even if the woman had been given the role by God Himself).  Needless to say, we only went out the one time.  But really, I think it's hard for some men to deal with a woman in leadership.  Of course, I'm thinking about a husband's leadership role as head of the family.  I have a friend who was engaged to a guy and when she told him she was going to be a preacher and asked him if he could handle that, he said no and they broke up.  I agree that men are to be the heads of their households.  If they are pointing their family to Christ, it shouldn't matter if their wife is in ministry.  Let's be honest, anytime one person in a relationship is in ministry, the other is somehow a part of that... I think that's how it should be.  Supporting each other, while being submissive is doable.  Third, God will always be shaping and molding me into who He wants me to be.  He will ask me to serve in a variety of ways even if I don't feel adequate, because He is more than adequate and He is the one accomplishing the work anyway.  He will equip me.  He will keep drawing me deeper and deeper into Himself... so that when people look at me, they only see His face.  Make it so, Jesus.

I read this on Fuller Theological Seminary's website and I like it so I thought I'd share:

"Women have contributed much to the ministry of the Church throughout its history. However, their role in this area has never been free from controversy. Today, most church bodies are discussing the place of women in their ministries. Crucial to these discussions for many of us are the matters of faithful biblical interpretation.

Perhaps a few words should be said about the concept of ministry itself on the basis of the New Testament. Today, we tend to confuse our specific church traditions about ordination with the biblical concept of ministry. The New Testament says relatively little about ordination. It clearly portrays, however, the fact that the early church had a varied and faithful ministry arising from the fact that all of God’s people were “gifted” by the Holy Spirit for the purpose of building up one another (see, for example, 1 Corinthians 12:4–31; 14:1–19; Romans 12:3–8; Ephesians 4:7–16; 1 Peter 4:8–11). Any person could exercise ministry (which means, remember, service) who was called and gifted by God and affirmed by the body of Christ, the Church. Some were set apart in leadership positions and some were assigned specific tasks to accomplish, but the differences among ministries were not distinctions of kind. Eventually, certain types of affirmation were combined with certain functions of ministry to produce our current understanding of ordination.

Modern debates over the ordination of women often miss the crucial and basic issues of the holistic concept of the ministry of the Church reflected in the New Testament. Of course, no person should be ordained or given any responsibilities of ministry within the Church because of gender or for the sake of a “point.” On the other hand, we have affirmed in the Church that no person, called and gifted by God, should be denied any role of ministry or leadership in the Church because of one’s gender."

There's Just Something About That Name

A week ago, my youth team and I went for an hour drive together.  In my efforts to be more consistent in my prayer life, I've decided to invite others into it as well.  The more time I spend in prayer, the closer I draw to God.

(Time-spent is my love language (when someone spends time with me, I feel most loved), so it's only fitting that the time I give others is meaningful to me.  I try to be careful with my time- especially since I don't have a lot of it to myself- so when I spend time with someone it's saying a lot about how I feel about that person.  Anyways, I love Jesus (duh!) and I love spending time with Him.  I love that He is always ready and willing to spend time with me too.  I don't have to come in some formal setting or say just the right words.  Often times I say whatever is on my mind... it's probably quite humorous for Him to hear some of my thoughts aloud.)

So last week I asked the team to meet with me.  I didn't give them details other than that we'd be praying together.  We prayed before we left, loaded up in a van, and took off.  The idea was to make a big circle around the church.  I told them that we'd be praying the entire hour and that anyone could speak up whenever they wanted to.  No one was forced to pray, but as we went most took the opportunity to pray for certain towns, school, families, etc.

The whole idea was to claim this area in the name of Jesus and to cover it with prayer.  There is great power in His name, isn't there?  When we claim things in Jesus' name we are claiming who He is... the names of God give us such insight into His character.  1 Corinthians 1:24 says, "But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God." (emphasis mine.)  Throughout Scripture we find dozens and dozens of His names... names that people knew Him by because they'd experienced Him personally in those ways.

• ALL IN ALL.......................Colossians 3:11
• ANOINTED ONE.....................Psalm 2:2
• HEAD OF THE BODY.......................Colossians 1:18
• HOLY ONE...............................Acts 2:27
• I AM....................................Exodus 3:14, John 8:58
• REFINER'S FIRE...........................Malachi 3:2
• MIGHTY ONE...............................Isaiah 60:16
• PRINCE OF PEACE..........................Isaiah 9:6
• SAVIOR...................................Luke 2:11
• ALPHA............................Revelation 22:13
• ADONAI......Malachi 1:6  (meaning "Lord", a reference to the Lordship of God.)
• JEHOVAH-JIREH.........Genesis 22:13-14 (meaning "The Lord will provide")
• EL-ELYON..............Genesis 14:17-20,Isaiah 14:13-14 (meaning "The most high God)

The list goes on and on.  He is Greatness and His power is undeniable and unstoppable.  I often think of when the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost and how He came with power and might.  There was no escaping His presence.  Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?  

That's what I want for this place.  I want us to start acting like God is as powerful as He says He is.  I want to see people fall to their knees and cry out to Him.  If we don't cry out to Him... the rocks will!  “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” - Luke 19:40  I think the rocks have been louder than even the Church lately and I don't like it.

As we drove around South Jersey and prayed for local government and other leaders, schools, churches, individuals, families, jobs, finances, etc, God was present.  There wasn't any awkwardness and it was a beautiful time of worship.  An entire hour of continual, outwardly focused prayer with the body of Christ.  We have already seen some of our prayers answered and I'm so excited to see what else God is going to do.  We will continue to pray and claim this place in Jesus' name.

Worshipping with this Gaither song tonight:

There's Just Something About That Name

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

There's just something about that name

Master, Savior, Jesus

Like the fragrance after the rain

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

Let all heaven and earth proclaim

Kings and kingdoms shall all pass away

But there's something about that name.

In The Secret

I loved a few SonicFlood songs when I was in high school.  One that my worship team did often was In the Secret.  After hearing it and playing it for so many years, it was one of those songs that I outgrew.  It's still not my favorite, but I appreciate it a whole lot more as of late.

This past week I spent an afternoon building my own secret place.  Its only purpose is to serve as a sanctuary... a place that I meet with Jesus, one on one.  It's not a place to host a Bible study or a place to counsel.  It's strictly a place where I go to just be with Jesus.  The idea came early in the week as I desperately wanted to meet with God without any chance of interruption.  I like to verbally process things with Him.  I like to spend time just sitting and listening.  It's hard to do that in my living room where there are crazy animals running around all the time, or even in the church sanctuary as people are in and out constantly. 

This secret place has already gotten lots of use.  As I sat to write my sermon this week, I was able to focus in really well.  Bible study time is so peaceful.  Without the distraction of my phone or the internet (aside from research), my sermon was written quite quickly this week..  My "Jesus room" has rapidly become my new favorite place to spend time.  It's relaxing and freeing.  It's intimate and lovely.  I'm so thankful to Jesus for providing the space and the stuff to fill the space.  Even as it gets colder in that space with the outside temps dropping, I will continue to meet with Him there.

I highly recommend finding space and making it your secret place... a place where you just meet with Jesus.  No distractions.  Just you and Him.  The presence of Jesus brings such peace.  All you need is Him.   

"In the secret, in the quiet place

In the stillness You are there.

In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait,

Only for You, 'cause I want to know You more;

I want to know You,

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more.

I want to touch You,

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more.

I am reaching for the highest goal,

Then I might receive the prize.

Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside,
Out of my way, 'cause I want to know you more."

The pictures don't do it justice.  It really is lovely.

Unclench

I often have these moments of brilliance (or at least I think they are brilliant), but never write them down.  My blog would be so much more beautiful if I took more time to write about all of the amazing things God shows me.  In the past few weeks I've had lots of these moments, these times when I know I should write something down, but don't because I move onto the next thing so quickly.  I'm very much a verbal processor (obvi) and writing is very therapeutic for me.  I digress.

A little under two weeks ago I spent a long weekend in Nashville at the National Youth Workers Convention.  It was quite a blessing to be a part of it and I took away a lot... actually I feel like I'm still processing some of it.  It was a time of learning AND a time of refreshment.  Traveling with my best friend was a bonus too.  There was one time of worship in particular that stands out in my mind.  David Crowder was leading many well-known songs, and God drew me deeply into His presence.  He held me tight as He told me very real truths about what He's doing and where He's going.  It's an interesting feeling to be in a room with about 3,500 other people, yet feel like it's just you and Jesus.  In His delicate way, the Spirit spoke and enforced some very beautiful truths about God.  It was extremely intimate.  It was also very encouraging and challenging all at the same time.  I could go into more detail and tell more of the power God spoke over me that day, but for now this is enough.  Nashville was wonderfully challenging for a lot of reasons... I've got to sort through it a bit more.

After Nashville came Thanksgiving week.  Things were a bit off because of the weird work week, but it was a lovely little break.  I spent the night at my bff's on Wednesday night... there's something so peaceful about waking up on a holiday and being with family.  I haven't had that a lot this year, but I'm so thankful that she and her family are here now.  It was so comfortable.  We spent the morning in our pjs cooking and hanging out.  Our meal was fantastic and then after the clean-up we just hung out, watched football, and relaxed.  Friday I was without a car, thus without temptation to shop which was really nice.  And then Saturday's Yield service was great!  I wasn't incredibly thrilled with my sermon, but I think that God used it any way.  We had a few new people out and worship flowed very well which was exciting.  I'm so thankful for such wonderful times of worship.  It was nice to be back at youth group Sunday night after a week off.  My students are the greatest and I really feel like they are "getting it," so to speak.

I'm still in a little bit of shock that it's December already.  Birthday Month in upon us.  Chamuka!  The next few weeks are sure to fly by and then I'll be in Chicago with my family and friends.  Just the thought makes me want to cry tears of joy!  However, I have quizzes, exams, and final exams to get through before I can think about that too much.  Ugh.  School has been going well, but it's just so time consuming.  I'll be glad when this semester is over, that's for sure.  I still don't know what next semester holds or even next fall.  We'll see.  I really want to be more focused back in at the church.  I've been working from home a lot and I actually miss my office routine a bit.  Crazy, I know.

Anyways, something that has been rolling around in my head and heart for the last few days is my inability to let some things go.  My whole life, I've never been one to give up on people.  I'm not good at saying goodbye and I'm not good at cutting things loose.  To the point that when my dog died in 7th or 8th grade, my parents had to have the thing cremated because I refused to let the dog go.  I still needed to hold onto her.

I've often thought of this as a strength in many ways.  My core group of friends from high school frequently point out that I'm the glue holding our group together, even still.  I just have this tendency to really work at keeping things/people together.  It hurts too bad to give up.  When I feel a relationship is in danger of being lost, I have this little moment of panic and then I work to change it.  Sure, I have relationships that have changed.  There are people I was once very close with, who I now see once every few years... but in those times, things go right back to where they left off.  So many of my relationships are much more effortless now that we're all busy with families and careers of our own.  It's ok now, in some cases.

But in the here and now, I'm still very much the same.  I cling to things.  The phrase, "if you really love something (or someone), let it (or them) go," has always really irritated me.  In my mind, it's a cop-out to let something or someone go.  I always thought, "if I really love someone, how can I let them go?  I just need to work harder to help them, fix them," or whatever the case may be.  Letting go is painful.  So painful sometimes that I'd rather run far away to cause separation than stay close and let go in proximity.

As I've been meeting with God, He has been showing me some things I need to let go of; things I've been clinging to for dear life.  He's revealed that as I hold them closer, I'm actually doing more harm to them and myself than I am helping in anyway.  That's so hard for me to hear.  I desperately want everyone in my life to be thriving and when they're not, I want to change that.  I feel the pain and heartache of others very deeply and I really consider that a gift from God.  So sometimes when He tells me to let go, I clench my fists and grip harder.

"Do you trust me, dear child?  I can and will work in these situations."  Well, tonight I'm letting go.  It's not a freeing feeling, in fact it's more painful than anything, but I do trust Him.  I write this mostly for myself, to remind me that I laid these things on the alter and I don't have to carry them anymore, they're not mine to pick back up.  "Do you trust me, dear child?"  Yes Lord, I trust You.  When my mind and heart are conflicting and even when they're working together, I trust You, Father.

Philippians 4:4-9 (emphasis mine)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you."

Jesus, help me to unclench, think on these things, and trust You.

Relinquishing

I'm really missing Uganda tonight.  It's really not much different from any other night aside from the fact that I actually have some time to myself thanks to a canceled meeting.  Time to myself means I get to clean a little.  I love to clean, it's somehow therapeutic for me.  I was dusting the bookshelf in the living-room when things got nostalgic.   Two of the shelves are dedicated to African stuff.  Like a child being made to clean their room, I stopped to "play" with my stuff.  Looking through some pictures and holding gifts from precious friends allowed me to travel "home" for just a few minutes.  The intense heat of the sun beating down on my head as I walk along the busy orange-rust colored dirt roads.  Cars and bodas speeding by, people walking, riding, laughing, talking, children playing, birds making monkey-like sounds, animals roaming and grazing.  Vividly colored foliage dancing in the sun and slight breeze.  The aroma of diesel vehicles, animals, chapati being fried, and trash, all mixed with fresh, pure air.  A sweet gift from Jesus.  Smiles like the mid-day sun.  People working hard both to survive and to thrive.  Climbing to the top of the quarry to gaze over the calm water of Lake Victoria on one side and the city on the other.  What I wouldn't give to sit at the top of the hill tonight where stars and constellations from both hemispheres shine, uninterrupted by too much electricity.  Who needs it when the moon is more than sufficient?

The sound of Piper chasing the cat brought me back to reality.  There was no sadness this time, just longing.  Along with longing came excitement and relief.  Excitement to be where I am; relief that this really is home and I'm happy with that.  I don't think the longing will ever go away... when your heart is divided like mine is, it's impossible to ignore.  But it becomes okay because being obedient to God is much greater than anything this world has to offer, even better than my beloved Uganda.  I delight in His goodness... which I get to see more and more of as I relinquish control and rest in Him.  Relinquishing control is far from easy for me (though I doubt that's uncommon for many people), but when it's done it always results in God being glorified.  As I seek to be a Godly woman, this must become more of a part of who I am.  My human nature must fade.  

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.  When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."  Proverbs 31:25-26

I recorded part of a boda ride from downtown Kampala to where I was staying.  This isn't the whole journey and it hardly captures anything I just described, but it's still fun for me to watch and relive a little bit.  It's enough for me tonight.

Heaven Rejoices

In my last post I mentioned that the reason for the prayer stations was that I had an important lesson that I wanted to make sure most all of the kids heard.  Well, this past Friday night we had a lock-in and nearly all of my kids were there so I went ahead with the lesson I had been praying about for weeks.  After a couple hours of organized, messy, and gross games we headed up to the sanctuary for a time of worship.  I'm so thankful that my friend Allan (one of the parents) was there and agreed to play guitar.  We played a few "fan favorites" and then dove into the lesson.  The focus was on Jesus as Savior.  We read through John's account of Jesus' arrest and crucifixion in the form of a script.  A few of the kids had "main roles" while the rest of us read for the crowd.  I think it really got their attention.

When it came time to pray, I knew I needed to offer to pray with students who were interested in knowing Jesus as their personal Savior.  Instead of calling kids out and forcing emotion, I simply asked everyone to close their eyes, asked if anyone was interested in knowing Jesus personally, and then invited them to pray with me.  A couple of students raised their hands to indicate that they would be praying to confess Christ.  It was all I could do to keep from crying when I saw their faces after we prayed.  Without pointing fingers, I told the kids that heaven was having a party because souls had been saved.  We played a couple more songs and then ended just in time to start making a midnight snack.

I'm not sure that the kids actually understood what I was saying about heaven rejoicing, but I know the angels were rejoicing at the sound of a few more names being written in the book of life.  They're young, but not too young to begin walking with Him daily.  I'm so thrilled at the Holy Spirit's prompting.  All glory to God for these new family members!  It never ceases to excite me.

"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."  Luke 15:10

Much time has been spent over the last year and a half bringing one of these kids in particular before the Lord... and I just can't contain my joy right now!  She is incredibly important to me and holds a special piece of my heart.  In fact, I met with her tonight for dinner to follow up, one on one, with the decision she made.  I feel so honored to be a part of her life, especially at such a time as this.  The Spirit has led and enabled me to pursue these kids.  It was wonderful to chat with her about why she made the decision and it's clear that He was drawing her into Himself.  I love my job!  To sit across from a student who has just come to know Jesus and tell them I am so excited and that I'm so proud of them and that I love them so much is one of the coolest things ever.  Thanks Jesus.

Would you join me in praying for each one?  Pray also for a willingness to be discipled and for Jesus to always be the center of each encounter I have with each one.  Discipling is key and I never want to grow weary.  I had a really amazing youth pastor who walked with me.  It's my desire to do the same with these kids.  I need Jesus' help.

Much Needed Butt-Kicking

Last week before youth group, I texted the students to find out how many would be there.  I don't normally do that, but the lesson I had planned was one that I really wanted all of the kids to hear.  It turned out that not as many were able to make it, so I made the last minute decision to hold off on that lesson.   Instead, I set up prayer stations and we took the night to focus on prayer.  Luckily my youth room is very conducive for such an activity.  I was only without one item, so I ran to the store and finished setting up right before they got there.

There were 5 stations set up, each with candles and a paper explaining what to do or what to focus on.  One station was set up right below my world map.  The focus of that station was to pray for the nations... for the gospel to reach to the ends of the earth, for healing, for provision, etc.  The next station, at the coffee table was called idol worship.  I had Play-Doh available and the idea was to ask the Lord what idols they had in their lives, what things were keeping them from being fully engaged in their relationships with Him, and then form those things with the Play-Doh and then smash them.  The next station was set up in front of a full length mirror.  There they were to reflect on how God sees them, the fact that they are created in His image, and to thank Him for His love for them.  The next station was for them to reflect on their journeys with God.  They had paper and crayons to draw, write, or somehow symbolize their faith journey.  And the last station was a confession station.  They were provided with a pencil, paper, and a paper shredder.  They were invited to confess anything they needed to, ask for forgiveness, and then put it in the shredder.

When the junior high students arrived, I directed them to a room down the hall, not wanting them to enter the youth room just yet.  There we played games for a little bit before being briefed about the prayer stations.  Then I gave a brief little speech on prayer, it's importance, and Jesus' model of it, and then explained the activity they would be participating in.  I told them that they would be at each station for at least 5 minutes, but would be able to stay longer if they wanted to.  We headed down to the room, I went over each station, we prayed together, and then began.  The regular fluorescent lights were off, the room lighted by white Christmas lights, a lamp, and the candles at each station.  Worship music was softly playing.  It was an amazingly peaceful atmosphere.  I had explained to them that I would be available if they wanted someone to pray with them, so I took a seat off to the side, not participating in the stations, but staying available to them, all the while praying for each one at each station they went to.  It was such an intimate time with the Lord.   Seeing the leaders and kids so focused and so vulnerable was beautiful.  I loved being able to pray for every person in that room.  What an amazing privilege!  They did a great job of participating and they were all very respectful and quiet.  When every person had completed every station we circled up, prayed together, and then left the youth room.
We went back down the hall, ate snacks, and hung out until their parents came.  The high schoolers arrived by that time.  We got started a bit late, so we skipped playing a game and I went right into my mini lesson on prayer and explained the stations.  I had planned on doing the stations with the high school students because there are usually less of them.  When we entered the youth room, again it felt like we were standing on holy ground.  As I made my way through each station, I fell more and more in love with Jesus.  My heart was prepared for each station before I got there and I was still moved by the presence of the Holy Spirit.  I can only hope that each one who participated felt that same way.

After youth group I was still very pensive and wanted to spend more time reflecting, but I had a meeting scheduled so I had to switch gears.  Rarely in my life have I had such an honest meeting with another person.  I met with a woman to ask her to mentor me.  I have plenty of areas in my life where I need my butt kicked, but more than that I know just how important it is to meet with a wise, mature, faithful woman of God to be encouraged and challenged.  I've always been an advocate of mentoring, but I haven't made much of an effort to find a mentor here yet because of said areas of needed butt-kicking.  With my leadership roles expanding and becoming more challenging, I know its essential that I am mentored.  I want to be pleasing to God in every single thing I do.  I've also recently been asked by a few different youth kids if I would mentor and counsel them one on one and I want to be at my best for them.

So anyways, during our conversation she asked me exactly what my expectations were and we talked about what our weekly meetings would look like.  We went over just a couple of areas that I want to work on with her.  She did most of the talking and asked a lot of questions.  This is a woman I have a lot of respect for and maybe its because I'm somehow intimidated by her, but I found myself at a loss for words a lot during our convo.  In all of what she said, one of the things that has stuck out to me was this, "I have no need to compliment you and I will never lie to you."  This was in reference to some statements that she made about me that I didn't believe to be true.  It was eye opening and even a bit convicting.  Eye opening because apparently I don't see myself at all in the same way that others do; convicting because I don't always believe I am who God says I am.  Hearing some of the things that she has observed about me over the last year and a half was not easy.  Not that any of them were bad, but I clearly have a skewed view.  This is a woman I've only had conversations with in larger group meetings.  I don't know her well at all and she doesn't know me.

We ended our meeting with prayer and a plan.  Honestly, I'm nervous, but one of the reasons I knew I was supposed to ask this particular person to be my mentor was to step outside my comfort zone and stop making excuses for myself.  I can't say enough how important I think it is that every single person be mentored by a more mature member of the Body of Christ.

I encourage you to read this passage tonight.

Titus 2:2-8, 11-15 (NLT)

2 Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.

3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

6 In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. 8 Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.

11 For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. 12 And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, 13 while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. 14 He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.
15 You must teach these things and encourage the believers to do them. You have the authority to correct them when necessary, so don’t let anyone disregard what you say.

Engagement Rings

While working at my first youth ministry job, I was also working full time at a Christian bookstore.  The bookstore was right near a Jared's Jewelry place and my sister asked me to get her ring cleaned one day on my lunch break or after work.  I was delighted to put the ring on and walk around all day as though it was my own.  I felt different.  I felt like people treated me differently when they thought I was engaged/married.  I loved looking at my hand... it looked so beautiful with that big ol' rock on it.  I was sad to have to give it back to her.  I liked the way it made me feel.

A couple of years later, I was a bridesmaid for yet another wedding (and feeling sorry for myself) so I asked my mom if I could wear one of her diamond rings to the wedding and reception.  She agreed and again, I loved donning that beauty all night.  Of course, people took notice and I loved the attention.  What girl wouldn't right?  It looked gorgeous.  My nails, hair, and makeup were done beautifully and the ring was the icing.  

BFF's relived to be wearing flip flops!

You can't see the ring in this picture,
but I really like it anyways.
Carley was a beautiful bride!

In recent years, I've come to realize that a big diamond ring is just not for me.  It would be way too much of a distraction and I know it would become a real pride issue with me.  I don't like stuff.  I don't like allowing material possessions to have any kind of control in my life.  A simple wedding band would be more than enough because a marriage is not about a ring.  

So where did this come from?  As I scrolled through my fb newsfeed, a professor I had during my undergrad had posted this article.  I thought it was well written and a beautifully sad reminder.  It's encouraging to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't feel the need for a beautiful diamond... though there's nothing wrong with those who do.  No judgment intended.  And now... I must sleep.

A Gift From Jesus

Last Wednesday I was driving home from watching a youth kid's volleyball game when I felt the need to call one of the Sudanese guys I worked with in Uganda.  Lino's been living in the States for a while now, but I've been terrible at keeping in touch for nearly 6 months now and out of no where (well not no where, but from Jesus) I felt prompted to reach out.  He actually answered which is a miracle itself and we chatted for a long time.  It's always fun to catch up with him, though he seems to stay pretty much the same these days.  I've been missing Uganda a lot these days and really want to go back... just for a week or two to visit for now.  It would definitely do my heart and soul some good.  Lino mentioned that his adopted mom, Shelah was in the States visiting a friend near Philly.  As soon as I hung up with Lino, I sent Shelah a message on the off chance that maybe I'd get to see her for the first time in nearly two years.  I've been so out of touch with Shelah and her family that she didn't even realize I was living in New Jersey, but it turns out that she was staying in DE with a friend and was looking for a ride to the airport for today.  Jesus?  I think yes.  I'm off on Mondays and she was only about 30 minutes from me!  Who know?  I was so excited to be able to see her until...

I got sick... really for the first time since moving here a year and a half ago.  Of course I've had a few random fevers and a couple of little tummy aches, but nothing that laid me out.  I try to take lots of vitamins.  When I'm around sick people I just try to keep a bit of a distance.  I was sick a lot as a child (ear tubes until I was 22) so you'd think I'd have lots of antibodies, but somehow once in a while I still manage to catch something.  It started Saturday night.  After the Yield service, my throat was a blazin', but I just figured it was from singing and preaching.  Not so.  I didn't sleep much on Saturday night because I couldn't swallow well.  Sunday I had a planned event with the youth and didn't want to cancel it at the last minute so we went to a corn maze and played outside all day.  By the time I got home, I was down for the count.  Fever, cough, sore throat, runny nose.  Special isn't it?

I sent Shelah a message letting her know in case she wasn't comfortable being around a sicky, especially when traveling internationally.  She called to let me know she didn't care, but wanted to make sure it was still ok with me since I wasn't feeling well.  I went to bed really early last night and even though I didn't sleep well, I got some good rest and spent time praying.  When I woke up I felt a bit better... not as stuffy, less of a cough, but still with the sore throat.  From the time I picked her up at 9:30am until the time I dropped her at the airport this afternoon, I felt about 70% better!  A little gift from Jesus, I believe.  When I got home I started right back with the coughing and runny nose.  Crazy, right?  Well worth it.

Both years that I served in Uganda, I spent much of my time with Shelah, her family, and working with their organization.  They were very much like my second family- celebrating my birthday, movie nights, volleyball and other games (cheating at Uno), inviting me for Christmas, dinners, etc..  I love their two girls and enjoyed spending time with them, especially because I was away from my nieces (they are nearly the same ages).  The Ackers were an amazing blessing in my life and I've missed them dearly.  I spent New Years ('11-'12) with them in Alabama and I haven't seen them since because of my schedule and lack of proximity to their "home base" when in the States.

Sitting and talking with Shelah for hours today was the most refreshing experience I've had in a long time.  When my heart aches for Uganda, she understands why.  She told me story after story of my loved ones there and caught me up on their lives.  So many things have happened and so many lives have been changed.  I got to hear about her family and my Sudanese brothers.  I got to hear about many of my former students and many others that I love.  She felt like she was going on and on, but I couldn't hear enough about the people and place that I love so much.

The biggest joy of the day was when she told me that some of my former students at the refugee center have converted.  (I can't give more details than that for their protection.)  I spent hours and hours with them, prayed for them, laughed with them, cried with them, heard their stories, told them about Jesus, lead worship and a Book study for them, and was made a part of their family.  When she told me of their conversion, I couldn't keep the tears from coming.  I can't even imagine the amount of rejoicing in Heaven that day!  Praise be to God forever and ever.

Today would not have happened if the Holy Spirit hadn't prompted me to call Lino.  I only got to spend about 4 hours with Shelah, but it was as if no time had passed.  I finally feel free, really free from some things and reenergized to connect with people again.  It's been so long since I've put any energy into staying in good contact because it's been too painful, but hopefully that will change now.

I feel like today was a special gift from the Lord, piles of tissues and all.  My head might be pounding and I've sneezed about 800 times, but I would do it over and over again if I could, as cheesy as that sounds.  I'm just so grateful tonight.

"It's going to be good, Beloved"

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  These are the words my Savior spoke directly to me just over a week ago.  I was up at Delanco camp, a place I both love and struggle with, when I heard those words loud and clear.  I had found a moment of peace amongst the crazy and was standing out on the party deck.  The weather was beautiful despite the predictions of wet conditions for the entire weekend and I couldn't help but worship the Lord and thank Him for the beauty of His creation.  The water was calm, the sun shining, the fish jumping, and the leaves falling ever so gently.  It was a very sweet, very private moment between me and Jesus.  He had my attention, my full attention.  My focus couldn't waiver in that moment.

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  I love it when He calls me beloved.  It's such a sweet term of endearment and it reinforces the fact that I'm His.  Simply amazing, isn't it?  The God of the universe, Creator of all, the Great I AM claims me as His own.  Not only that, He knows me intimately and cares for me.  He calls me beloved.  Me, the worst of all sinners, beloved.

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  I've been bringing Him plenty of situations, pleading on my behalf and on the behalf of others.  I'm consumed by work and school and I just keep adding to my list of responsibilities.  I feel so inadequate most of the time.  His words to me, at just the right time brought comfort and peace.  I don't know exactly which situation, condition, or feeling His word was referring to... maybe all of them, but I don't need to know.  Anything His hand is in is good.  I trust Him and I think He was reminding me to keep doing so.  

"It's going to be good, Beloved."  Doesn't that just melt your heart?  Praise be to God.

Aside from the privilege of of hearing those words, camp was pretty good.  My lesson went well and I think many of the kids went away desiring to know God deeper by exploring His many names.  I was pleased with their openness a really loved getting to know a handful of new kids.  During the afternoon of free time on Saturday I focused on just being with the kids.  We fished, boated, wandered around, chatted, and laughed... a lot!  Most of the staff decided to play their own game of volleyball (which I would have loved to do seeing as though it's my favorite sport to play), but I really felt like it was more important to just be with the kids since we had such a limited amount of time with them.  

I headed home that evening because I knew I needed to be at my church on Sunday morning.  It was the last Sunday of the same schedule with the worship team playing at the early service and the last Sunday before my senior pastor would be away for 4-6 weeks with a knee replacement.  Being at home with my church family was a must in my heart.  Right after the first service, I headed back up to camp to finish off the weekend with my youth.  

With camp finished, my focus turned toward Yield.  Yield is the new contemporary service we're offering on Saturdays at 4:30.  This service has been in the works for over a year, but has really been a focus for me for the last few months.  We have worked really hard to come up with a format and style, a logo, advertising, and a whole bunch of other stuff to make this service work.  

This past Saturday was our inaugural service and it went very well.  A few of us spent many hours this past week making sure that things would run smoothly and it really paid off.  I get to bring the sermon message each week which is exciting.  That's one of those areas that I feel so inadequate in, but Jesus is enough so I'll continue to trust Him.  Now that I have the first service under my belt, seminary doesn't seem like such a bad idea.  :)  The best part about the whole service, in my opinion, is that it was all about God.  It wasn't about my abilities, inabilities, strengths, or weaknesses but about the way that God was moving and working.  People were relaxed, laughing, worshipping freely, and really enjoying themselves.  It felt like home; the Body of Christ united.  So grateful to Jesus.  I'm really looking forward to seeing this service grow and morph.  I believe the Lord is using this ministry to further His kingdom.

Anyways, school is very time consuming these days.  Each week I have either 2 papers, two quizzes, or exams.  The material is really important to grasp, especially for when I start my masters course.  Somehow I'm making it.  Sleep is scarce, but as long as I continue to get A's on everything, I'm ok with that.  

So each week is full of school, youth stuff, young adult ministry, sermonizing, organizing, building relationships, meetings, and trying to keep up my house and animals.  I'm feeling very blessed.  

Here's a song I've been loving these days.  Oceans by Hillsong United.

Striving

Sleep eludes me.  I'm busy with work and school and my mind is reeling with the thoughts of the future.  Jesus keeps reminding me that He is enough and that's when rest comes... when I trust in that.  I've found myself at the foot of the cross a lot in the last few weeks, both literally and figuratively, and it's the only place I find peace.  When I just want to sing of His goodness, He meets me there.  When I want to complain, He listens.  When things are complicated, Jesus knows.  When my heart is shattered and my body is broken and sick, He heals.  When I've got nothing left within me, He fills me up.  When my immaturity and fiery mouth/temper run wild, He reins me back in.  It feels child-like sometimes to be curled up, sitting before Him, but then I remember just how much He loves the little ones... how He says they belong in His Kingdom.  I want that.  There's nothing more peaceful than Jesus calling you "little one" and cradling you in His arms of love.

Jesus keeps saying to me over and over, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30  

So I go and I sit.  I listen.  I express the desires of my heart.  He's not finished with me yet, He reminds me of this as I dwell on my imperfections.  Thanks, Lord.  I'm striving and though I'm not a wife yet, this is the type of woman I long to be:

 "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

    She is more precious than rubies.

 Her husband can trust her,

    and she will greatly enrich his life.

 She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life.

 She finds wool and flax

    and busily spins it.

 She is like a merchant’s ship,

    bringing her food from afar.

 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household

    and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

    with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 She is energetic and strong,

    a hard worker

 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

    her lamp burns late into the night.

 Her hands are busy spinning thread,

    her fingers twisting fiber.

 She extends a helping hand to the poor

    and opens her arms to the needy.

 She has no fear of winter for her household,

    for everyone has warm clothes.

 She makes her own bedspreads.

    She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.

 Her husband is well known at the city gates,

    where he sits with the other civic leaders.

 She makes belted linen garments

    and sashes to sell to the merchants.

 She is clothed with strength and dignity,

    and she laughs without fear of the future.

 When she speaks, her words are wise,

    and she gives instructions with kindness.

 She carefully watches everything in her household

    and suffers nothing from laziness.

 Her children stand and bless her.

    Her husband praises her:

 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

    but you surpass them all!”

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

    but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

 Reward her for all she has done.

    Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

-Proverbs 31 (emphasis mine)

In Other News...

Yeah, I know.  It's been over a month.  I've had some demand for a new blog post for a while, but writing (one of my favorite things to do) has not been high on my priority list lately.  At this point I feel like I have so much to write about that I don't even know where to begin.  So an update will have to suffice for now...

August flew by into September in such a way that most of it is almost dream-like to me.  Fall programming has started which means my schedule has kicked it into high-gear, as they say.  August ended with a trip to Delanco camp to lead worship for their Camp Meeting.  Three of the guys from my praise team and I spent Labor Day week doing what I love to do... Bible study, worship, fellowship, and volleyball.  Lots of volleyball.  It was an amazing time of renewal for me even though our schedule was a bit hectic with the whole music thing.  It couldn't have come at a better time either.

That next week I started classes.  Yeah, for the first time in 12 years, I had a first day of school.  The Lord has been pretty clear with me for a few years now that I am to get my masters in counseling.  I have been wrestling with whether to combine that with an Mdiv (Masters of Divinity) or not.  At this point I don't necessarily desire to be ordained, although the counsel of those around me is to just get it anyway.  I'm still praying on that.  My bachelor's degree is not in psychology, therefore I have to complete 2 or 3 more undergrad-level pysch courses before I can start a masters in counseling.  So on September 5th, classes began.  I'm taking 2 classes right now.  Even classes at a community college are not cheap and I'm still paying on my undergrad degree at this point, so the thought of incurring more debt has always held me back.  I finally decided that if I wait until I have the cash to pay for a master's degree, I'll never do it.  God is able and I just need to trust that.

Being in the classroom as a student again is so foreign to me.  I've never loved school, but I've always been pretty good at it.  My standards for myself are extremely high right now... which is good, but it's definitely a change from my standards in the past.  I've found myself exhausted (mentally, physically, emotionally) more times in the past month than I care to admit.  I know this is important and I was tired of my own excuses and holding myself back from moving forward, so I just did it.  I have to do this.  I have to get through this (school) to get to whatever is next.  I don't know in what capacity Jesus wants me to use my degree, but I'm excited to see what He has planned.  My job right now is to be obedient to what's He's calling me to for today.

Aside from classes, I'm still working full time and subbing two days a week this school year.  I love being around the students and I love teaching (though subs aren't often given the opportunity to actually teach), plus I feel like being in the school is an important part of my ministry at the church.  Being the beginning of the school year, there hasn't been much opportunity to sub yet, but the couple days that I've been there have been great.  I had one youth kid in my class and got to see 3 others just out and about in the hallways.  I love how excited they get when they see me.

Youth group has been going really well so far this year.  My junior high program has grown quite a bit... mainly because 2 of my favorite 6th graders are a part of the program now.  Their presence has made a very positive impact and I'm really excited to see what Jesus is going to do this year.  Something else that has been great with the junior high ministry is the consistent presence of other adults.  It's been great to watch relationships start to form between the students and the volunteers.  One of the volunteers is a recent high school graduate who's staying local for school and I know the junior high kids love having someone closer to their age to relate to.  It's so important for them to see and be around someone who has been through a youth ministry program lately.  Between that volunteer and the other parent, I finally feel like I'm not doing this alone.  They are very willing to invest in the kids which is great.  This past week, Allan taught the lesson which was fantastic and it gave me a chance to sit back and observe the kids and just be with them.  My curriculum for both junior and senior high is completely focused on Jesus... on His life, His ministry, and on how to walk with Him daily and why it's important to do so.  Senior high continues to have low numbers, but I'm grateful that I get to do closer discipling with the students.  God knows each of our/their needs and I'm trusting Him with youth group.

The young adult group that I lead is studying Experiencing God.  I did the youth version of the study when I was in high school and it had a huge impact on my walk with Christ.  When I suggested that this group do Experiencing God, they were a bit reluctant because of the amount of work and time commitment, but I can see the benefits of it already.  A lot of it is coming back to me, but I'm also gaining so much from it.  Thanks be to God for placing that on my heart for this group.  The group has grown a bit and there are now 8 of us, which is the perfect size for such an in-depth study.  I've spent a good amount of time in prayer for this group and for them to be impacted and challenged in a huge way.  God is ready for some major commitment from some of these people and I can't wait to see how He chooses to use them.  Praise the Lord for resources and studies like Experiencing God that really push us.

Something else that is HUGE is that we are starting a Saturday service at church.  Our "contemporary" service currently meets at 8:30am on Sundays.  Realistically, that's just not the time of day those who are looking for truly contemporary worship will come out to church.  The new service is called Yield and it will meet at 4:30pm on Saturday afternoons starting on October 19th.  My senior pastor, Tom, and I have been discussing and praying about this for over a year now.  With the Lord's leading we're moving forward.  The service will be primarily led by me and Allan.  (He has just stepped up into a larger leadership role here at the church and it's so encouraging to see God working so clearly through him.  Yay!)  This means that I will be preaching nearly every week, especially at the beginning as Pastor Tom will be out with a knee replacement.  I have to say, 16 months ago when I accepted this job I had no idea that I'd be leading a worship service and preaching, but God's plans are so much bigger and greater (um, duh!).  Personally, what strikes me most about this new service (right now) is that it has never once felt like an added "burden."  My nerves aren't going nuts with the thought of the responsibility of it all or of my inadequacies and I can only attribute this to the Holy Spirit.  With His leading, it's all about God and not about me or my abilities/inabilities.  The glory is His.  It's only about furthering His Kingdom.  Would you join us in praying for this new ministry?  Pray for unity.  Pray for those who will be attending.  Pray for us as we continue to organize and prepare.  Pray, pray, pray!  Prayer is way too underutilized these days, but it's the most important part of this.

Yet another thing I'm really excited about is a meeting of local youth pastors.  A week and a half ago I met with a group of 3 men regarding See You At the Pole (which is tomorrow morning, prayer very welcome) planning.  2 of the guys happened to be youth pastors for local churches.  The 3 of us discussed the desires we each had to meet and connect to encourage each other in our ministries and pray.  This coming Monday we will have the first meeting and there will be about 7 of us in total, including my bff, Stacy.  I will be hosting the first meeting at my church and we'll rotate from there.  Our goal is to meet on the first Monday of every month.  Just meeting with the 2 guys last week was an encouragement so I can't wait for all of us to get together.  Praise Jesus for knowing just what we need!

On a completely unrelated topic, it's been hard to be away from Chicago these days.  I miss my family a lot.  I miss going upstairs, plopping down in a chair next to my mom, and just verbally processing my day.  I miss seeing my nieces grow up and figure out life.  Kayla will be 9 in about a month and a half... how is that even possible?  They are both at such cool ages... learning and taking in the world around them.  I wish that I could be consistent influence in their lives.  I want them to know Jesus so bad.  The rest of my family too, for that matter.  My dad's health is ever declining and it makes me physically ill to think about it.  It seems like the downward slope's gradient has increased and it's moving way too fast for me.  Please pray for him and for my mom, of course... I worry about my mom's health too.  They are amazing.  My sister and bro-in-law got married on a beach in Florida a couple of weeks ago.  It was just them and their girls.  I wish I could have gone.  My brother is much the same, it seems.  Stagnant, I'd say.  It makes me sad.  I think he's been made for greater things.  There's a lot of potential there.  (Help him, Jesus.  Help him see a need for You.)  At the end of the day when I go home, I'm going home by myself.  My heart has really been struggling with this lately.  No pity-party, just the reality of my current situation.  Jesus knows the desires of my heart, so I'll keep praying for my future husband and our kids.

I have so many other thoughts circulating and just bursting to get out, but I've got laundry to fold, animals to feed (I got a cat, btw.  His name is Paka and his sole purpose is to kill crickets.  He's doing his job very well so far), dinner to cook, a workout to complete, classes to study for, and Bible study to lead tonight.  It's no wonder I haven't taken the time to update... I've not had it.  I'm not complaining, I'm extremely grateful to God for the craziness of life right now.

We and They

"We and They"

by Rudyard Kipling

Father, Mother, and Me,

Sister and Auntie say

All the people like us are We,

And everyone else is They.

And They live over the sea

While we live over the way,

But—would you believe it?—They look upon We

As only a sort of They!

We eat pork and beef

With cow-horn-handled knives.

They who gobble Their rice off a leaf

Are horrified out of Their lives;

While they who live up a tree,

feast on grubs and clay,

(Isn't it scandalous?) look upon We

As a simply disgusting They!

We eat kitcheny food.

We have doors that latch.

They drink milk and blood

Under an open thatch.

We have doctors to fee.

They have wizards to pay.

And (impudent heathen!) They look upon We

As a quite impossible They!

All good people agree,

And all good people say,

All nice people, like us, are We

And everyone else is They:

But if you cross over the sea,

Instead of over the way,

You may end by (think of it!) looking on We

As only a sort of They! 

While in my office the other day, I had my music turned up nice and loud and I was working across the room on a bulletin board.  All of a sudden the computer started ringing the familiar Skype ringtone.  I don't normally get random Skype calls.  Skype dates are usually scheduled well in advance.  It was a friend of mine who moved to China last month to do mission work for a couple of years.  I originally met him during my first year in Uganda and he's been a good friend ever since.  Of course I accepted the random call and it was a pleasure to hear about his new ministry.  In the course of the impromptu chat he asked if he could read a poem.  I thought it was a little weird, but also knew he was a little goofy from being up in the middle of the night there so I said yes and he began to read.  It became obvious as he read why he had chosen to share it with me.  For anyone who has ever worked in any capacity outside of their "native" (we) world (whether rural to urban, rich to poor, American to non-American, Christian to non-Christian etc.), you probably understand a bit of the "We and They" concept.

I've read and reread this at least a dozen times this week.  Of course I feel like I understand this (though I've probably only scratched the surface) because of my time in Africa, but it also easily applies to moving and ministering here in South Jersey... a very different culture to me.  It's astonishing how quickly we place others in the "they" category in (or out of) our lives.  In thinking more and more about the meaning of this poem in my life, it's become clear to me that this speaks so loudly of the things Christ came to abolish in this world.  I think in His eyes humanity is all "they".  I think He wants us to strive to be "We" (emphasis on the capital w to denote Christ-likeness and sanctification), but recognizes our imperfect human nature.  We are all "they".  One is not better than the other.  I'm always shocked and deeply saddened when I hear of present-day prejudices and racism.  It makes me physically ill to think about how prevalent these problems are all around the world in such a time of connectivity.  We have every bit of information available at our fingertips and we still choose to categorize one another.  

My prayer tonight is that Jesus would enable us to see the world through His perfect eyes.  That He would show us the hearts of His people and not just their outer appearance, material wealth, upbringing, social status, etc..  That we would love first instead of passing judgement or writing someone "we" think of as "they" off.

This passage has been close to my heart lately:  

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.  And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.  If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.  And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.   This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.  There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us.  Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.  And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.”

-1 John 4:7-21 (NIV, emphasis mine)

Help me love, Lord.